here we go again

Arrived early for my internal organ sun tanning, and they took me right in. Love when that happens. Then up to the Hilton cabana's in the sky. As I am getting ready to go into bed, I was gently tapped by Linda Blair...run to the bathroom and heave ho...the deed is done. Incredibly I feel better once I do it, ut I hate to throw up (which is really down but let's not get into that). Get into bed and order breakfast.. scrambled eggs, pancake and turkey sausage with orange juice.

The first nurse try to find the vein twice, and called for a backup; second nurse tried once to no avail and great pain since she kept trying to "find it". Third nurse was the old pro IV nurse, one shot and voila.. done. Today I brought my computer to track the work computers arrival at home. It made it and it works....hallelujah!

Worked all afternoon and organized trips and what not... great fun. I am booking vacations out to 2009.

the 2:30 am blues

Why is it that when you think life is so good, wanting to hurl or pull a Linda Blair comes to mind? As you know chemo started yesterday, and I thought i was doing very well with he unsettled stomach thing. We went out to dinner and I had although simple fair, a heavy fair. Small cup of clam chowder and fish cakes. Both very good. Last night about 12:34 (great lottery number) I woke up repeating the food and just not feeling my best. After 2 hours of trying to settle it down, I took another of the anti-nausea pills (granted 4 hours early) to see if I could just make it go away and for me to fall asleep.

Hopefully during chemo today I will just fall asleep.

Back to the B.I. Hilton *****

Today we had the combo, radiation and chemotherapy, first the tanning booth and then a trip up to the B.I. Hilton suites. I have 4 more days of radiation and although I love the people there, I know that I will not miss the process. Chemotherapy is the usual pain... first the needle (which I positively hate, then the poisons. Etoposine is not too bad (I will get that from Monday-Friday) Cis-Platin I hate, you feel the cold fluid go up your arm.. it is yuke...

The process takes about 4 hours, of sheer boredom. Paul and Eileen were with me all that today..poor bastards.

We had a set of VIP's today at work and since I was getting chemo, Frank and Ed did the tour honors. I am sure that it was a great visit. Tomorrow I am getting my computer, hopefully everything will work as expected and I won't have to send it back again or drive up to Portsmouth for month end proceeding.

Snob...me?

I can't remember if I told you this story. My last chemo treatment was on the community room opium den. After the treatment was done and the nurse came over to give me my appointments for the last session of chemo, she scheduled me for the community room. Most if not all of you know that I really don't do crowds of unknown people well., so I politely requested if I could have the private rooms they have on the other bldg. (the BI Hilton) for my treatment. The nurse looked at me funny and said let me see what I can do.

When the Chemo doctors saw me, they realized that I had changed venues, andd proceeded to call m e a Chemo Snob... what a proud moment...

An ode to two saints

Sometimes when you least expect it something happens that brings out in people what you always knew to be there. I have been lucky enough to see this first hand in two people in my life.

One of these is my sister. She has become my partner in crime and my sounding board; being one of the few people that will challenge some of my wacky thoughts and ideas, and will encourage the others.

Then there is St. Paul. He used to spoil me rotten before Mr. Nasty came about, now it is ridiculously wonderful. Of course I am taking advantage of every second of it. Couldn't have asked for a better person to go through this than my own personal partner and Saint.

There are other people that I know would step up to sainthood in a nano second, my brother for one. However, he needs to travel and work, but I know he much rather be here than at work.

Luckily employers have been very flexible schedule; and my saints have been able to be with me during my appointments. I encourage everyone to find their own personal saints... it is a wonderful feeling to have.

ps The icon was created by Bernardo in Florida, I particularly like the minor saints around St P

Hair..or the lack there of

You know when you are so involved with something that you don't think about unpleasant things like cancer? The last couple of days, I've notice a trail of hair debris on several places. The pillowcase has a shadow of hair on it, after washing my hair, I look at my hands and there is hair everywhere.

I realize that I don't have much hair to begin with, really mostly a cue ball with a garland HOWEVER, the loss is real and a little disturbing.. I am sure it will grow back, ok I hope it will grow back, rephrase I don't want to have to shave my head also...

The Queen

On Saturday, we went to see "The Queen". Marvelous movie about the differences of contemporary and traditional views in a modern world. Helen Mirren was incredible, and if she wasn't portraying a royal, I would say that she was portraying my mother. In many moments both Paul and I thought that the lines, and the looks by H.R.H were like seeing my mother in action.

Otherwise as you can see it is 5:00 and I am up. After the movie and dinner last night we came back home and I got very tired. By 8:30 pm I was in bed out like a light. Problem with that is that after eight hours I am back up and ready to go. Maybe I'll get out of bed and knit for awhile.

2 days of vacation...

After I got home from our shopping expedition, did some laundry and some knitting. Our neighbor had invited us for dinner so we had to primp up a little for the occasion. The restaurant was very good The Ashmont Grill but the weather was brutally cold, Nothing that a good drink won't cure.

Slept very well last night and today is R&R to the max. Hopefully my computer from work will arrive today, although I am not hopeful. Beside that, a little mopping, a lot of knitting and of to the movies this afternoon. We are going to see The Queen. OH SHUCH.. the other queen, you know the one in England!

Last day of the week

First of all, it has been very interesting how most of you decided to share your opinion with me directly and not through the blog. All opinions are valid and none are right or wrong, but I certainly appreciate them all. The most interesting response was a wonderful philosophical treatise someone made and emphasized their opinion by the sentence " in closing still be careful crossing the street" incredibly telling.

Today was a good day overall... The clan from Hopedale and Grafton sent a mammoth gift basket to the radiology dept. and I was told that its influence was incredibly well received. technicians, interns, admin, doctors and patients enjoyed the food tremendously. I was even told that some of the patients were making little bundles of cookies to take home as their extra calories. Very thoughtful gift; you people rule!

Today's radiation was on high, being that I only have 5 more sessions they are zapping as much as they can. They also explained the reason for the machine being at an angle. Since the dosage is so high, the new angle avoids the spinal cord and certain areas that they rather not disturb anymore. So now we know that one. After radiation, went with E shopping and had a ball!

Would you like to know?

Radiation at 8:45 and the up to chemotherapy for the weekly blood work up. I have gained 3lbs since last week, and all the vitals are good. My cell counts went from 870 to 2770 so I am back in fighting form. I had a meeting with the chemo doctors and they were pleased of course about the progress..

Since I am tired right now, I will leave you with the following survey questions. I wanted to know from the head doctor dude, If I was to die from this cancer, what kind of death would it be? I am a very curious person, and I felt I wanted to know. Would you want to know?

I will discuss the conversation with the doctors (which was incredibly interesting) tomorrow. For now.. I am bed bound...

Honeymoon's over...reality sets in again

Monday at 6:00 hangover or not I was up ready to take mom to the airport, I have the day off from radiation since it was going to take them 2 days (software upgrade after my re-scan) to re-map the size and location of the tumor and to upload that information into the computer that runs the radiation treatment itself. The rest of Monday was a day for rest and relaxation.. I have two weeks coming up that are a dozy .

Tuesday morning back to radiation.. two pictures to make sure the upload worked and then two zappings.. Interestingly and I don't understand the reason, the machine is now radiating at a 15 degree angle from top and bottom. Interesting but don't know why.

Wednesday (today) and now we are all up to date back to radiation in the morning. I have been sleeping incredibly well, so that makes me happy. Next week I have a full week of both chemo and radiation, so I need to be fully rested and ready.

Wedding day - The End

Dinner finally... I was starving and craving that piece of steak. Finally I was going to be able to eat a good piece of beef. Oh and the champagne...

I had so much fun going from one table to the other I wish we had more time.

Time kept flying by... just too much fun!!

BTW Do you all remember that humongous cake? not a crumb left... YOU BUNCH OF PIGS! I am thrilled it was so good.

To the people that spent time and money to get to the event, I am truly touched that you thought so highly of us to do that.

To all the women, you looked sensational. The men, very butch however I wished you were all in kilts.

4:45-5:10 The Wedding!

At this point I am looking for the JP... is he late or is it that I haven't seen him... tick tock tick tock... UPS .. there he is... all dressed in black with the white hair. Central casting did not disappoint. The time has arrived.. how the hell am I going to position all this people??? in honor of our losing Patriots... THE HUDDLE! Everyone in the front room who has a table sit down, the rest, stand around the walls. Very earthy in an almost want to chant kind of way...

I searched and retrieved my mother to the middle table so she could see. (could you believe she was talking during the ceremony and someone had to ask her to shut up?!?!?!) Minister in place, Paul in place, his sister in place, and Adam was holding the rings which pleased me immensely .On my side I had my brother and my sister, what else could I possibly want?! and I said probably to loud... ARE WE READY TO GET MARRIED? and of course the crowd cheered. Probably because they were tired of standing, but I rather think it was because it was about time that after 18 years we did this.

Minister starts with a lovely call to emotional arms by basically thanking the state of Massachusetts for allowing and recognizing the wedding as legal (2 points for the state) then something about emotional blah blah blah... I was to concerned with making Paul laugh or to at least stop crying... this was happening in real time.. We had an incident with a handkerchief, I offered mine to Paul, but he pulled his from the sporran ( you know that funny moment to brake the emotional tension).

and then, it was time for the vows... Paul wrote them and they were so sweet, the crowd was silent and I could hear sobbing, dang.. my sister ..oh wait there are people sobbing in the crowd... so sweet!!! (but I couldn't figure out who it was? and I want names!) We exchanged rings, and the minister had the crowd agree to help and support us thru thick and thin. In my book, just by being there that part was fulfilled. and if you weren't there I know you support us regardless!

Finally the minister said the words I never expected to hear in my lifetime.... by the power vested in me by the state of Massachusetts I pronounce you.. partners for life.

if you are sobbing and you know it clap your hands....

ps I thought the minister was absolutely wonderful...

A brief wedding interlude

Everyone keeps asking where I found the minister. Well let me tell you.. it was an exhaustive research of 1000 wedding couples, spreadsheets and the such... NOT As you all know, we planned this in 3 weeks, somehow we kept forgetting the justice-of-the-peace..you know...it is just not as much fun as picking the cake, the flowers or the menu. One day Paul said to me ... "Here is a website, pick one because I haven't had time to call them" So what do you do? Look at the pictures of course... who would central casting call to fill the role of a minister???

and then there it was... good looking guy with white hair and a robe... PERFECT!!

The arrival 3:30-4:45

What the hell?? We arrive at 3:30 for some formal portraits expecting to be at the restaurant on our own... YEAH RIGHT.. at least 10 people were already there... Let the festivities begin... BTW, how do you woman do it??? my cojones got cold awefuly fast... damn it was cold

Sparkling water to start.. need to pace myself after the night before... The kilts are the hit of the party (did they think we were not going to look good??? DUH!) Slowly but surely everyone starting to arrive. Only 2 people that were invited didn't show up. The service at the restaurant during the cocktail hour was exceptional, very happy with that. The hors d'oeuvres were pretty good and everyone seemed to be eating.

People keep arriving and I am thinking to myself... are they all going to fit here?? but it was working and I was happy with that. Some people we haven't seen in ages, Paul's family, my family and lots of friends. Good vibe to the room, I am getting more and more excited. Finally, my mother arrives... the moment of truth... you should be able to read her opinion of the kilt in her face.... but nothing.. ok, passed that one ok. I had decided to wear my fathers fraternity pin on the lapel of my jacket as well as my mothers engagement ring... I am having a ball! this hostess with the mostest thing is fun!

and then out of the corner of my eye I see the minister... the time is here... it is time to get married, after all that is what everyone is here for.

The wedding day....

Didn't sleep as well as I should have since a) I went to bed way too late and b) woke up with a nuclear headache from Veuve Cliquot at 4:00 in the morning, when imagine my surprise, Paul was also up. I guess he was just too excited. Slept till 7:00 and just went straight for the busy work. clean all the dirty glasses, toss the remaining food trays and generally clean the house.

We had made plans to have breakfast with very close friends that came in from out of town J & J. The funny part was that I had pawned off mother duty to my sister who passed it to my nephew. Both J & J were staying at the same hotel as my mother and of course as we went to pick them up, my mother was standing in the lobby. Talk about awkward moment. Luckily my nephew was 30 seconds behind me and he just whisked her away.

Breakfast was wonderful, but then again difficult to screw up decent food with wonderful company.

3 hours to go till party

Returned friends back to hotel and headed home for beauty duty. After all it is my wedding day! Couldn't get any fake spray tan because it interferes with the radiation; who knew... this Mr Nasty is interfering with my beauty... I DON'T THINK SO.. First a deep cleansing clay masque.. wait until dry, remove.. then hydrate ( I need it badly since it is cold as shit) around 2:30 Shower, shave, buff the bald spot and start getting ready.

Not to be too graphic, but it was so much fun... so, underwear, t-shirt, knee high black socks, shoes ( I know... super geek looking and NO PICS) Next shirt stays into the shirt collar and setup up the cuff links (I hate putting them in afterwards). Shirt on... next was the kilt, strap on one side I got stuck so I had to run and have Paul help. No pics of this either, but I had to raise the kilt to tuck the shirt in properly. Then it was the belt, followed by the sporran. Then finally jacket and vest.

Let me tell you... DAMN WE LOOKED GOOD!

what you want to see..

I am sure this is what all of you want to see. This are preliminary shots. More on Sunday later today.

The day before...

Woke up relaxed and fresh as the morning dew, maybe in California since it was cold in Massachusetts (9 degrees). Dressed relatively warm and got ready for day #2 with mom. As I drove over to the hotel (for you curious ones, she chose to stay there) to pick mom and bring her back to the apt. We were sort of killing time before going to sister's for a family brunch.

St Paul couldn't make it (work issues) so I drove. As always, lovely to see the family; the brunch itself was simple and plentiful. You know the point when your head says, I think I've had enough and I have to leave... with me lately is like a race car taking off the start line, the desire is very fast and then (say it isn't so) I get obnoxious. I want to leave NOW!!

We had to prepare the house for the group that was coming over tonight. Small group for cuban food, nothing fancy just drop in, eat and go home. Well what can I say, if your mother is claiming that she is bored, PUT HER TO WORK. She folded three loads of laundry and ironed the tablecloth. Then plunked down exhausted... what ever happened to good labor...

My B.I.L (Brother-in-Law) was kind enough to pick all 4 tons of food from our favorite Cuban restaurant. The mantra for the week-end still is "keep it simple!" so all I had to do was setup the buffet plates and flatware and get the wine chilled.

Mother behave relatively well, although still some maintenance was required. I wished my sister circulated around the room more, but she was tending to mom. All in all, a lovely event. 25 people dropped in and out, Lots of champagne (I'll tell you about the nuclear headache later) Amazingly, almost all the food was gone. A great night to connect with some of the out of town guests.

Tomorrow the big day!

a short blog for all

radiation, liquor store, haircut, cell phone store, mcdonalds, airport (pick up mom and brother and niece), lunch, visit to apt., dinner, drop mom at hotel.. BED

No P.D.A's

No kissing please

I've been up since 3:30 and I don't like it. Granted it has been very productive since I was able to knit a few rows of my new fabulous sweater, search flight combinations for our next cruise, looked up anemia fighting and ate a yogurt.

I was obsessing a little over the chemical state of my body, and decided that I don't like it and b) in order to be nice (yeah right) I have to be mean. So the order of the week-end is... handshakes ok, hugs and kisses, not so ok. That goes for healthy people and sick people (very equal opportunity of me). I will carry in my sporran an anti-bacterial cream thing for me at all times. I will not get sick end of story!

Hallelujah Shrinkage!!!

OK, so maybe just a little but I'll take the news....Now, the rest of the story.

Radiation first thing in the morning which I gotten used to by now. Two out of three machines were broken today so i was very fortunate to get treatment since my machine was working. From there, up to the fifth floor for radiation planning for my re-simulation.

Pet-Scan technology although old, is still amazing. I got scan and all of a sudden I hear things in the background like "It looks good" (the new software upgrade) " can you believe this?" Tom Brady's comments on Sunday's game. I wait and I wait and the head radiation oncologist comes over to tell me.. The tumor looks great (you know he is pleased with the new software). At this point the Doctor needs a reality check or a bitch slap... HELLO... Is it Smaller???? oh yeah that too... ASSHOLE! tell me that first!

So the scoop is, it has shrunken, but just a little (expected). Now, my good cells need to mount a cleaning attack to pick up all the radiation debris. That is when it is expected the big shrinkage will happen. The other good news, although not 100% confirmed, but there is every indication that a) it does not appear that it has spread and b) the lymph nodes are not showing on the PET scan or maybe the other way around, but it is a good thing since it means that they are not compromised at all.

From those news, up the 9th floor for the hematology oncology people. Not the happiest place on earth... Weight 3 lbs under, Oxygen level at 99%, blood pressure 110/67. One try on the blood thing and two tubes later... and then we wait...

The H.O. Dr. comes to get us and let us know what the results are. Drum roll please... a little anemia (expected) with low cell counts (but not so low to be concerned, but low enough to be vigilant of infections) and the kidney functions are good (a concern since one of the chemo agents is nasty on the kidney)

All in all a great day... tomorrow... my mother...

When only Guava Nectar will do

Breakfast is just not the same anymore. It used to be a Dunkin Donuts large regular and that was it. AHHH the golden days of breakfast... (Not one comment on the most important meal of the day crap) If you leave for work at 5:30am there is no time for breakfast.

Now that I had a visit from Mr Nasty and I don't like coffee, I have been looking for something to drink in the morning. I called Anita and tried orange juice (way too acid), I tried coke, really good, but the carbonation and the sugar are really not good anyway. Water just sucks, and I've never like the taste of milk whole or otherwise.

However, there is one thing that reminds me of being a kid, and I like how it tastes, and that is Goya Guava Nectar. Really cold yummy!

More appointments

I was hoping to go to work tomorrow, HOWEVER, I have F with a possible touch of the flu and E very compromised. Enough for me to decide to stay home. Having said that, I went to my radiation appointment and the technician tells me that the are going to re-simulate me. That is one of those situations when you think to yourself, resimulate in clay? sand animation? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT!!!

It seems that for the last 2 weeks of radiation, it is very targeted and they rescan me to come up with the current size of the tumor (OF COURSE I will ask if it shrank) so that the last two weeks of radiation are extremely targeted.

With that new appt, Minerva (from Salinas PR) had to call the Chemo people to change my 9:00 to 10:30. As I thought it was an appointment with the doctors, I was very surprised when dear Minerva clues me in.... first blood samples... then see doctors,,, then get results and decide. The chemo people are watching for a) anemia, b) low cell counts c) kidney activity, the last time they took the readings, the only concern was that I was getting close on the anemia side. Expected due to the chemo; hopefully this time since I am 6 days away from the last treatment, the numbers should be better. I also think I have only lost 3 pounds. Not too bad... roughly 1 lb per week of radiation.

Could you people believe it has been 1 month since this saga began?!?!!?

Radiation and your mother

Let's start with the usual nonsense.. tumor tanning went well.. they were on time which is important. Today it is also a 4:30 appointment. I spoke to the nurse and several you about the acid reflux; obviously a newbie when it comes to it. Bottom line is clear, Prilosec twice a day until this is over, and bland food. Guess that great McDonald's chicken blt was not good for my stomach...but it was gooooood.

My dearest mother is coming up this week-end. Sounds the alarms... everyone to the battle stations! Some of you have experienced a visit before... some of you have not. In my best polite ways, I will try to inform you what needs to happen before the silk white glove touches a surface. So St Paul is working like a madman these days...I...am... well sort of working... two days at work and to days from home, but bottom line no energy, so I need to find me a cleaning person. This is part of my husbandly duties today, it should not be a major issue.

Once the palace is clean, then it is the social coordination; don't bore mother, but don't overbook her. This fine line game is a test of how well you can read a person without actually seeing them. Dinner party Friday night, light easy brunch with nephews, and grand nephews Saturday... I know a nap is in order somewhere in there so that she can conserve her energy. You can also rest assured that some "quality" time will be required. Each of us needs to go through the private talks with mom.

All in all a little high maintenance but hopefully pleasant nonetheless. An unbiased (ok as unbiased as possible review of the visit will be coming on Monday.

ps I would like to thank my driver Pa (nicely done) although the hat thing is still a problem

Life in the Rad lane

Even though I imbibed in 2 "sleepy time" helpers, I slept from 9-4:30 or so. not a bad run. I am getting to normalcy, it's just taking a while. The latest is acid reflux, since I've never had it I have no idea if it goes away with Prilosec or its it yet another one of those you need to deal with and eventually it goes away. However, The McDonald's Crispy chicken BLT with large fries that I had for dinner (yet another craving) was sensational.. It took about 5 minutes to eat since I have to cut it into little pieces to be able to chew and swallow, but damn it was good!.

Today my tanning session is in the afternoon. Since I am going to work for most of the day, it works out perfectly. I am taking my nerdy brother in law into the room so he can see the tanning equipment. He will be thrilled!

What can I say

I rather be on a ship in the Caribbean any day. The weather is dreary and currently so is my mood. Just had a small emotional issue while watching the travel channel. It was the christening ceremonies for the QM2 and there was the Queen (not me people) and a bagpipe player... well that was enough to get me going. SO I decided that on the travel list, a crossing on the QM2 is in order.... so there, and I want to go on Princess or Queens Grill class...

Good Morning Baltimore

Morning everyone.. 7.5 hours of sleep.. Not bad I am up almost at my regular 4:55 to go to work. Today's morning blog is a mixed bag of information.

First the 10 day forecast including the week-end (it might determine hair do's)

Secodnly a bit of news for the men and women who have an interest in the game. It starts at 6:30 om on Sunday. I am sure that wherever you are there will be a bar with 5 flat screen TV to follow up. Don't fret..

Sunday, Jan. 21
GAME TIME NETWORK SIRIUS Radio
AWAY HOME
New Orleans at Chicago 3:00 pm FOX 125 123
New England at Indianapolis 6:30 pm CBS 125 123

N.E. wins (how did THAT happen!?!)

I'll be the first one to admit, that was a long ass game, but NE won, so I don't care!! nananananana..

When pretending gets you nowhere

I was never good at Halloween parties... great to have the costume, but you needed to get into the part. I have tried very hard (so hard I gave myself a headache) to pretend that I have three days off from radiation and that there is no cancer. I know that it becomes one of those vicious circle things, but as great as the day started, the afternoon is going the way of the NE Patriots game... down the toilet. Oh and yes, I had a small tiny incident this morning.

So all in all not a good day. but like Scarlett says... Tomorrow is another day... (duh ...what kind of dumb ass statement is that???? who writes that shit.)

wake up...get out of bed

btw is it 5:00am and it just seems that I have slept a lifetime. Some people rather sleep to forget they are sick. In some circles they called them Orpheus depresicus, I sleep because I have no choice, the body say (also in Latin) "sleepicus or you are fuckus" Which is basically why I have collapse for the last 2 days.

It will be interesting to see what happens today and tomorrow regarding sleep. Right now I feel like the energizer bunny, wound up and ready to go. But everyone in the house sleeps, which means be bored for 2 more hours and then subtly wake everyone up!

breaking up

You know that being that anal Retentive, OCD person I am I wash my face regularly. Well! it turns out that the radiation makes your skin break out. You have to understand that I didn't break out with a zit or a pimple when I was nominated for an Oscar, when I had a Papal audience, or when I was meeting the Queen of England, (right after her annus horribilis speech, which btw she stole from my mother)

I am not supposed to scratch (and it itches like a MOFO. so there you have it , This fucking cancer is now interfering with my beauty... THE NERVE!!

ps... it turns out that I can't stand coffee in the morning anymore

Orpheus Descending - What a Slug

As you al know, I got home yesterday and did a little laundry. It was time to switch back to my bed, and my room. Try as I might, I fell asleep on the sofa and when Paul got home, he ended up doing the beds. It must have been around 5pm or so when after 1 hour nap under my belt, I went to MY BED. Slept through 6pm-9pm.

Paul woke me up to take my temperature and to feed me something. After that was done, back in till 4:30am... After I write this, a few more hours I hope.

Friday - Radiation

They say that radiation is cumulative... Well I've reached my limit!... I can hardly swallow and I feel like a drunk who is falling asleep everywhere.

Sorry I didn't do any entries... Literally couldn't keep my eyes open. Since I get Sat-Sun-Mon off from radiation, i hope to be able to catch up and regain my energy.

Longer more interesting pot to follow.

There is no blog entry because I am WORKING!!

A bit of rumor control

To quell the rumor mill.... first a couple of lines from Spamalot.

Spamalot Soundtrack Lyrics (abridged by me)

- He Is Not Dead Yet Lyrics

ROBIN (spoken):
Bring out your dead! Bring out your dead!

LANCE (spoken):
Here's one.

DAD (spoken):
I'm not dead!

ROBIN (spoken):
Here, he says he's not dead!

LANCE (spoken):
Yes he is.

DAD (spoken):
I feel happy. I feel happy.
(sung)
I am not dead yet
I can dance and I can sing
I am not dead yet
I can do the Highland Fling

I am not dead yet
No need to go to bed
No need to call the doctor
Cause I'm not yet dead.

BODIES:
He is not yet dead
That's what the geezer said
No, he's not yet dead
That man is off his head

He is not yet dead
So put him back in bed
Keep him off the cart because he's not yet dead.

Well now he's dead
You whacked him on the head
Sure, now he's dead
It makes me just see red
You are such a brute
To murder that old coot
You homicidal bastard, now he's really dead
Who is the knave who put him in his grave

ALL: Because we're not yet dead.


After that, a couple of lines of Mima prophecy vs Medical prophecy. The doctors gave me a lovely prognosis of 7 months to 2 years based on statistical information that is not relevant to the drugs I am taking , besides that small piece of information, 1 tumor, 2 poisons, 16 chemos, 27 radiations... PLEASE... bring it on... I have 2 or 3 promises to keep and some of the involve timelines of 5 years or more. Sanrotini at 50 (3 more years) China at 51, New Zealand at 55...

When is Shrinkage good

Depending on your line of work, and mentality, the word shrinkage has many meanings. In retail, for the store owner it means items that walk out the door without somebody paying for them; for the thief, it is what happens when they wash the jeans in hot water to make them fit like a glove. Now hold that thought right there you perverts!!

However, in a manly man world, that is not a word you really want to hear. It implies that your weenie is small and hiding. There are many swimmers with awesome bodies that (and don't tell me you didn't wonder) can wear speedos without that interesting "bulge", obviously, the pictures were taken right after being in the cold water. Why do men in Brazil look more endowed than men in Scandinavia? DUH it is the temperature of the water they are swimming in you silly!

So imagine my surprise when my doctor said to me in the most serious tone possible that they were trying to increase my shrinkage (I know an oxymoron of a phrase)... WHAT THE FUCK! don't even think about going there MR. SISTER!.. He promptly calmed me down by making it clear that he was not referring to Mr. Happy but to Mr. Nasty.. I know I know, how many different moniquers does a man have to have for their weenie???

In its ititial state, Mr Nasty (the tumor people....the tumor!) was 3.9cm x 4.2cm x 3.8cm the object of the game is to make it shrink as much as possible thru chemo and radiation. Needless to say wording is everything, and his use of the word, although well intentioned; implied to many things in my nasty little head. So now we take warm showers, chemo infusions and much radiation... all to increase our shrinkage...go figure!

Late post for chemo

Hello everyone, I am sorry I am posting so late (or early for some). Yesterday was a whirlwind of activity and emotions, As my brother says, "it was all good", whatever the hell that means.

First of all, and without meaning too, it seems that I unleashed two corporate competitions to see who among Paul and I will get a laptop first. To both parties, your efforts are incredibly appreciated. It will make my work life connection a lot easier and I do want to be useful even if I am a far away. I have a feeling that the laptop competition will be a close race, but I will look cuter in my PJ's working from home, or the hospital.

Yesterday we had a big day, radiation was ok, they are starting to run late every day, we all know how well I deal with people running late... Too boot, it is not the operators, but patients that are not letting them know they won't be in. Manners and etiquette still count even if you are sick!

I had my chemo in a new location, outpatient Shapiro 9, not my luxurious usual digs, bummer, you do get used to the finer accommodations very quickly, but I do understand that it is for people in real (bone marrow transplants, organ donations) need and not just queens with Queen Elizabeth comlexes (mostly me). About 75 people getting chemo at the same time. Everyone was great EXCEPT "The Guy". He was in the opium den across from mine, too loud, too obnoxious, way to verbal... Couldn't they give him an additional sedative in the IV??

Most people loose their appetite during this ordeal, me... LIKE A PREGNANT WOMAN.. I crave sweet and salty. For example, yesterdays menu consisted of 2 honey glazed donuts, currently don't like the taste of coffee THE HORROR), followed by 2 packages of Lorna Dunnes, 1/2 lb of edam cheese, a turkey sandwich with mayo, something that they claim were peaches in that great syrupy Dole goop, a fruit muffin from Starburcks, 3 cheese empanadas (and a little rice) from the best Cuban restaurant in town, a white chocolate dipped banana, and for dinner a ham with rice pilaf and broccoli. PIG PIG PIG. I missed the McDonald's french fries from the night before and the vanilla frappe.

After all that, we also had a lovely therapy session... but more on that tomorrow..

Who changed the channel???

So far the routine was relatively clear, Not much activity vs not much pain or discomfort. Somehow, last night they distributed new scripts and it was decided that it was not going to be all fun and games. The act begins with me in Paul's bed (position bed) and Paul in my bed) somehow, by 11:00 I was over there. That in turn made Paul decided that his bed was free real estate, so he went from my bed to his bed. At some point or the other I woke up in my bed and decided to go back to Paul's bed. Confused??? So was I!, I couldn't tell you were the hell I was all night.

So I really didn't sleep and my throat is truly killing me. Oh yes, one more thing, I am starving but nothing is settling well in my tummy...

This is no longer working for me... call the director please!!!

Today is Day 8 which means last day of the first cycle of chemo. Not looking forward to it since it is the cys-platin poison and that one knocks the shit out of me. Today however... maybe we will pick some flowers purples and yellows @ Winston's...Got to have something to look forward too!!!

OK normal didn't work

All I wanted was one day to pretend to go to work, do my thing and go home in traffic... Just like any normal working schmuck. But NOOOOOOO.. I am tired, not as in a hangover how much fun I had with that bottle of Veuve Clicquot but as in how long did I really sleep??? Then the whole issue of my throat, it is swollen (pipe down all of you!) and it is scratchy and it is irritated.

So I do my radiation and they are late... Can you imagine??? But the nurse signals to me that she wants to triple check my throat and neck. Bottom line... HONEYMOON IS OVER... Side effects are welcomed to come in and visit. The body took as much abuse as it could for 1 week including almost all of the chemo and it is basically rebelling. OH WELL..

At least I got to go to work and do some of my things and pretend that everything was ok. it was a short pretend, but there is nobody in the world I rather pretend to work with than the people I work with. Thanks F.C.E.

Let's pretend we are normal

Day 7, only radiation. Slept ok, but feel a little constricted on the throat. Paul wants me to increase the incline on the bed again.. UGH!! I must ask the doctor about it. Today I will pretend to be normal and go to work (granted with Eileen as my driver) and do actual work. Hopefully my laptop will be almost ready so that I can work from home.

If Paul gets a laptop from his work before I do, ..What can I say.. There is no justice (kidding!)

Maldonado's @ Copia

On 12/28 we went to a great new restaurant called Copia. WHDH-TV was reviewing the restaurant which is terrific. We have our six seconds of fame (don't blink!) between 14-20 seconds in the video.

Click in watch video once the link opens up.

Copia at WHDH-TV

Day 6 - Beauty Duty

No chemo, no radiation today... YIPEE!!! Woke up after solid 7 hours, and started with a haircut. No clumps, no highlights, screw the bangs... a simple "O" blade all over (Thanks Nannette) . I even threw the curlers away, just not worth it, and a little too Shirley Temple.

Today the list of house chores is very long, if I get 1/2 through I'll be thrilled. Football game later in the day (yes indeed...how butch!) will impede some chores but, what the hell!

Interestingly, I've found out much to my chagrin that shower time in the morning is when I get all sappy and emotional. What a mess for fuck sake.

What is a Color Coach anyway???

This is a blatant plug for my crazy friends Craig and Paul new Professional Color Consulting business. It's all well and good, and they are very talented, but on the back of the business card it has the following quote. I do not know it's attribution but it captures my new philosophy very well.

"Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint you can on it"

Day 5 Chemo

Easy day today, it is scary when something as serious as chemotherapy becomes so routine that it's like you don't mind. Andrea was waiting for me with the IV nurse, breakfast ordered. Two and half hours of chemo and out. The only bad news is that they warned me that it is about now when the hair will start to go.

Yes, we know... there is not that much hair anyway!!! But I will trim it really short. No shaving of the head is allowed, you might get nicked and get an infection. Now I will have to get me a new beret. French or Scottish????

8 hours baby

After eating like a pig last night, I was a little wired. Watched TV and promptly proceeded to fall asleep. That was about 10 or so. Woke up at 11:00 went to the bathroom and proceeded to go back to bed. Imagine my surprise when this morning I open my sleeping beauty eyes and see a small ray of light coming through the drapes.... It was 7:15.....8 glorious uninterrupted hours of sleep.

I do feel pretty, and witty and gay..

For the Latinos in the group, today is Three Kings Day!!! Hope your favorite wise man brings you something good.. I certainly got something REALLY GOOD!

A very personal note to the bakers

The lemon snicker-doodles are terrific
The ginger snaps rule
I haven't started on the chocolate mints ones
but the chocolate chips are long gone.

Day 4 chemo

Another lovely day down by the radiation cabanas at the BI Hilton. Today was Radiation Oncology Doctor day and I had the opportunity to chat with 2 of them. One of the most interesting questions was regarding vivid dreams, which indeed I am having. I guess they are a large symptom of the Superior Vena Cava pressure. The dreams are so real that I wake up knowing it was a dream but convinced that they actually happen. Very cool weird stuff.

They were very happy that I feel better, however, they are not seeing any physical evidence to back my claims since the size of the swollen neck and arms has not gone down. They were however pleased that I am no longer black and blue around my belly.

After that, my usual 3 hours of chemo. Slept through most of it. No excitement there. Paul picked me up at the hospital and we went to do errands. Chilled all afternoon, and watch Saint Paul do laundry and make beds.

Paul's sister Susan and Adam came to visit and we had a terrific dinner down at the marina. I do have to say that I ate like a pig, and if I sleep all night again, I will be happier than a swine in excrement.

Throw in a little knittiing

I've decided to throw back in a little knitting, since after all that was the object of the blog until this slight detour. I am starting a new sweater and will post pics of the yarns and design later today, for now.. One of my first tapestry sweaters.. Can't remember the designer but loved it.

Dumb thing to do

Finally slept 7 hours straight... a momentous occasion. It feels soooo good. Preparing to do my morning shower, I am feeling ok, brush my teeth and like the person with good hygiene that I am decide to lightly brush my tongue... Well you know how you sometimes forget that you might be in chemo, a little too aggressive on the tooth brush thing. Close call I tell you.. Dumbs ass move on my part. But life is back in order and my morning bagel is helping to settle down my tummy.

One more day of chemo this week and I get Sunday off. YEAH!!

What do they call it in your neighborhood?

Once upon a time, I worked, or shall I say I pretended to work with this crazy South African woman who had the cutest weird accent. We will call her Lesley... While she was pretending to work full time, she was planning her wedding during business hours. My business hours! She had this other crazy friend called Rhonda who was helping with the wedding preparations and this other South African friend who introduced Lesley to her husband to be who was also helping with the wedding. This friend is called Felicity; Felicity is a hoot.. totally off the wall and thoroughly entertaining. We met Felicity at Rhonda's tree trimming party which we got an invite through Lesley.

With us so far?? You also need to know that it was at that party that we met best friend Craig, who knew Rhonda from Home Depot.

Now in South Africa I guess they call it the bush telegraph line in Puerto Rico it is the coconut wireless... it is the ability of country men to gossip at speeds higher than a commercial T-1 line.

Today while waiting for my radiation a lovely woman whose name later we found out is Robyn is sitting across from us and is knitting a head band. Of course Snoop Doggie Dog (Paul) goes to her and mentions how pretty the yarn is. She proceeds to say to Paul... are you MIMA????...

OH MY GOD.. who is this woman?? stalker, fan, autograph seeker, paparazzi?... how does she know my name... I hope she realizes that since I have the Armani hospital gown I am the patient and Paul is the concerned spouse.

Turns out she live three doors down from Felicity who got the news from Lesley about the blog which then gave it to Robyn. Small world....who says that you can't reach and touch someone.

day 3 chemo

No morning sickness, so I guess I am not pregnant, and that it must be an alien living inside me.. The could cast me opposite Sigourney Weaver you know! Today is the first combo day. My sister had a vacation day from her nursing duties yesterday and St Paul had me all day. Today he is dropping me of at radiation and going back to work, where I am sure he will be canonized.

My sister will pick me up in radiation and then wheel me (maybe I should walk) to chemo. From there i hope lunch and the home. I have work work to do with Frank so that will keep me busy. Many chnages at work going on, but those will have to wait a little bit.

Joie de vivre index 7+

Playing hookey

Chemo was only one chemical today, I guess the regiment is day 1 to 7 of chemical 1 and day 1 and 7 for chemical 2.

Nice break, Since we were early, The Dr came down and chatted with us about the fact that the PET scan was indeed showing no spreading, and that the tumor showed some necrosis (it is dying from within) I can't explain that one, but I'll take it for now.

We had nothing to do for the afternoon, since chemo was 2 hours shorter than expected and our next appointment was at 5:00; so we went to see Dreamgirls, very good, all thought the original Broadway production back in the 1981 was pretty sensational and theatrical.



After that, home to a simple meal to make sure my tummy will like me in the morning and that I won't get morning sickness.

Start the day with a little

Nausea..and major stomach discomfort. Get my ass to radiation, 1.5 minutes flip 1.5 minutes flip. Get wheeled up to chemo and find out that my arms are so swollen that they need to get tne "nurse specialits" to put the IV in because after 3 attempts Andrea can't find it... nice! just what I wanted. An FYI for all my junkie friends, just found out that if you need the Ativan to work immediately, just let it dissolve under your tongue and it goes in seconds.

Day 2 of chemo

After sleeping about 6 hours which for these days is not bad, I am getting mentally and physically ready for the second round of chemo. We both thought i have done very well, but i will tell you that the body is having this intense desire to dispose of certain items. Drugs are keeping everything at bay, but I dread how I will feel later today. My poor Paul is watching my every move and wakes up with me to comfort me. The man is a saint, considering that he needs sleeps as much as I do.

ps...Could I have ONE more wafer please? Monthy Python - Meaning of life

joie de vivre index 6 out of 10
average index 8 out of 10

different uses for technology

Radiation went pretty well. Still incredible to me that it only takes 3 minutes. As I was leaving, Paul and the nurse decided that I needed to conserve my energy so I had to get into a wheel chair. As I am wheeled around the hospital I kept thinking of fancy properties where they use the golf carts to trasnport guest from point a to point B. Next it was Shapiro 4th floor.

Contrary to radiation, the pet scan was a pain in the ass. They inject the isotopes which hurt like a mother and you have to sit there for one hour, no talking no visitors. The staff loves having the patients to play statue, once the game begins, you get into the tube, and stay still for 30 minutes while the machine moves in and out. Needless to say, that's when you want to sneeze or get a cramp. I hate that fucking machine. Just seconds before screaming "I've had enough, get me out" they said , test is over, you will be out of there in a second. sure.....

From there I dreaded the ride up to chemotherapy. The lovely Audra received me with open arms and plenty of drugs and poisons... She set us up in my own private opium den, and imiagine my surprise when she says order your breakfast quickly and they will bring it up to you within 20 minutes. The BI Hilton never disappoints. So in order of entry, I had 30 minutes of an anti-nausea medicine, 30 minutes of saline to hydrate since poison #1 affects the kidneys, then 1 hour of poison #1, 1 hour of poison # 2 and 30 of saline. No real effects thro any of the infusions, however #2 poison felt weird on its initial body entry.

Oh wait, it is lunch and the menu is running around again!... Salad, vanilla pudding burger...We were finally done around 2:30...

Head home and brace for the possible nausea and vomits...I can only think that I will be having an Exorcist moment... However it is around 6:30 and after Paul made me a lovely shrimp and pasta puttanesca... nothing is going on with the tummy...

Early to bed since the radiation and chemo process repeats itself again tomorrow

Excuse me sir, your Cabana is ready

After sleeping 6 hours straight, I rather think of myself a movie star today... Just had a special very exclusive mint infused motor oil drink just made for me. No breakfast, must watch my diet. I have my appointment for tanning around 7:30am, cute operator always a shame it is only 3:00 minutes, but then again I have no time to be signing autographs...

After that a PET scan, interesting since I really don't like pets, maybe it will be a visit to a kennel or something; charity work? Maybe it is a movie preview and they are confused.. well whatever it is, it will be about one hour.


After that I hope that some food ANY food is in my future and I have been promised a small intimate party thrown by the kind people at chemotherapy. The image of chemotherapy in my head is that of an opium den. Individuals lying down trying to forget the present by the use of prescribed hallucinogenic. I hope they are good!

I'll keep everyone posted as to the outcome... for now, a round of ativan for me..

Fashion Moment

By popular demand... a picture of the pajamas... notice the lovely piping around the swollen neck. The dopey look is brought to you by a series of pharmaceutical companies for which I am very grateful for.

Anticipation

Last meal before the big day... talk about super suck. eggs and bacon no bread. Only clear liquids. As always, Paul is making my little feast, then again he made breakfast and lunch and he cleaned the house. Granted the cleaning is partly to start preparing for "La Suegra**" to come and visit.

Besides that I was knitting all day and trying to coordinate with Frank for him to do his job and my job at the same time... I know, I owe him big time.

It will be interesting to see what they let me get away at work. On the other hand, I am starting to worry about tomorrow; radiation gives you constipation and chemotherapy gives you diarrhea, what is going to happen? no wonder I am confused!

One of the anti-vomit medicines says to take with food... What????

** Suegra - Mother in Law (sp)

Happy New Year!!

As usual, we did not stay up to see the ball drop or watch the fireworks over the harbor. What's worse is that I woke up around 1:30am convinced that it was time to rise and shine. No such luck, I am preparing for tomorrow (figures I am anxious already) I have radiation, (old hat) pet scan (which I have to wake up at 4:00am to drink some concoction for it) and chemotherapy. I keep on thinking about chemotherapy as an opium den. Don't ask me where the image came from but it did. My other thought about; controlled poisoning.. YIKES

On a brighter note, Paul & Adam to me 100% cotton PJ's from Brooks Brothers as well as some slippers. Even when sick I look fetching... Thank God for vanity

I will officially start knitting what will be known as "C" sweater today. Let's see how quickly I can do it, not a simple pattern at all.