frustration?

Sometimes having to much time on your hands is not the best thing in the world. Every so often, you get a moment of clarity and realize why the frustration is there. I am still not out of the fucking pneumonia, I have a cold and that's the physical side. I am frustrated with all the decisions that I still have to make for my brain to be stable, and too boot I have to deal with family responsibility and drama.

I don't know about you, but I can wind myself up to the point of obsession. I want to be able to dance, I want to be able to ride my bicycle again. I am just putting all my thoughts in the right slots... but I seem to keep on shuffling thoughts.. I am sure that I will have an AHA! moment and it will all be clear and doable.

times up

Starting on Thursday I am back to work full time. It has been a very interesting period of time since December when this ordeal started. For starters let me say that I don't understand how people can stay home all day; even on a low activity day, I would be climbing the walls by noon.

I have been going to work usually twice a week. Interestingly I view work very differently. For better or worse, my view of what is important has changed, but I am still a fan of opportunity and having everyone learn new things. Where I am having issues is at wasted time and lack of; interest is not the word, but wasted effort? I don't know the right word, but I know it when I see it and I hate it.

Nothing to report

The cold is apparently starting to go away. As my mother would say, it is maturing, which in PR vernacular means that now I am coughing it up. At least I am not running around with the damn runny nose. It is interesting that when I cough I think I am Sigourney Weaver in Alien.

Aside from that, life has been relatively calm, but I am looking forward to a stretch of time when there are no issues and everything is clear.

a present from the Dr.

Go figure… I haven’t had a cold since we came back from the trip to Italy/Greece. I go to see the doctor last Thursday and I get a cold. You have to realize that this is a Dr. approved BI Hilton exclusive since HE gave me the cold.

As I call the doctor today to make sure that whatever medicine I take is OK with him, I get this lovely statement. I am sure it is a head cold, BUT if you do get a fever or are short of breath, make sure you come into the emergency room, your radiation pneumatitis could have flared up. Nice… real nice!

The C.S.C.C

On Thursday I had a radiologist/oncologist visit. As always, I do an X-Ray before going to see the doctors. The technician was amused that he didn't have to line me up with the unit. A big sense of familiarity is setting in.

As I enter the reception area, the receptionist takes my file out without asking my name and I hand over the co-pay without being asked. Some of the people in the office look familiar, so I politely nod. When they take the vitals, blood pressure is a touch high and so is the pulse. Oxygen in-take is at 96% which is really good for me.

As I sit with the Radiologist, the surgeon yells across the hall "TWENTY?" which is the current milligram I am on for one of my medications. I nod back and he proceeds to go and do his thing. The pneumonia keeps going down, but it is not all gone. At least it is going away.

As pleased as I am about where I think I am at, the doctors seem to be even more pleased. Of course, the always seem to have a warning... This time it was "don't forget that your recovery should take 1 year" All I wanted to do was smack one them.

and we are back

It has been very interesting to be walking over 7 miles a day with hills or stairs. I still don't do well with the stairs or the hills which leads me to believe that the pneumonia is still there. Fucking thing!

Finally took a private yoga class. It concentrated on proper positions, breathing, and relaxation. As you can all imagine the relaxation part was the hardest. The teacher resorted to almost a dark room. They also counted my inhale/exhale rhythms in order to get it right. The hardest part was that some of the positions were constricting my breathing on purpose and I had to calm down and get it right. very interesting.

Tomorrow is off to work, let's see how that goes.

Time to

It is Sunday and it is time to seriously exercise. The weather hasn't helped much in the Boston area, we've had some wild thunderstorms the past few days. I walked the length of Wollaston beach yesterday and was surprised that it was only 4.5 miles back and forth. I thought it was a lot more. Starting today, I can start doing very light upper body work; I can now start to even out.

On the Shakespeare front, finished The Comedy of Errors (lovely little play) and have started the Taming of the Shrew. Yesterday afternoon the were showing on TV Kenneth Branagh version of Hamlet. Besides the fact that Derek Jacobi is amazing, it was excellent. Granted you know what happens at the end, but that helps in paying attention to the words.

Officially or unofficially this is my last week without work, and as is, I will be kind of busy enjoying it. The week after... back to work at least part time!