Rather a drink of Absolute

A little bit of science on a Sunday morning... Did you know that if cancer cells are growing incredibly fast, they are considered disorganized and an easy target from chemo and radiation? In my case that is the tactic we are going after. Since we are pretty sure that it wasn't there 3 months ago, the working theory is that chemotherapy will destabilize the growth cycle the cells and the radiation will kill them as they try to divide.

For someone who craves order it is interesting to have to put my hope in chaotic cell division!

Dial M for Mother...

You know... some things will never change. The phone call, let's just say went. There are times you wonder if there are two parallel conversations occurring at the same time. I feel terrible for having to tell her that her prince (that would be me) is going through this nonsense, but somehow somewhere there is something missing and I can't put my finger to it. Whatever.. maybe I am from another planet... OH WAIT that is what all of you are going to say!

Tick tock tick tock

Yes, it is that time... I have to call my mother and tell her. Last time we thought it important enough to coordinate my nephew and my brother to be in PR to tell her, but she was such a... well... let's just say that she started the rant/lecture with "I am strong enough"..blah blah blah.. she sounded like Cher singing "Strong enough"

Fine this time, the conversation might be like how is the weather today? Are you going food shopping later? oh by the way, I have cancer again... at which point she will go nuclear, and say something to the effect like I knew all along... God help anyone in her path... I have warned some within 10 miles of her to wear anti rant vests.. hope they do and soon! Maybe she will surprise me... but I doubt it.

Sometimes I don't realize that there are other people out there that work just as fast as I do. Being Friday, today is laundry day... as I was taking the bag with dirty shirts to the car, I decided to stop and pick up the mail. The cookie brigade had a package for me! Shit, those girls work quickly! Best shortbread in the world. A little jam and my coffee... perfection. Love those girls from Hopedale, they are the best!

Radiation - The news...

The good news is that they are doing radiation on the tumor(s). As you might or might not know they were 4 large marble size tumors the last time I was pet-scanned. On the scan they did for the prep work, it seems that they have all melted into 1 large chunk of cancer goop.

If you hear that someone is having radiation, in the grand scheme it is a good thing because it implies that the tumor is localized, which is better that spread all over the place. The catch here, and this sounds like the rules of a reality show, you can only be radiated in one area once. Them the rules, I don't make them.

After this set of treatments, I will have 2 areas that are compromised since they will have been nuked for their one shot. The good news is that we know how long and at what temperature they need to nuke them for since we have experience from the last time.

The three amigos visit

After the prep appointment, I had a 2:00 visit with Dr Jain (chemo). From the three amigos he is the touchy feely one. We set up chemo dates and reserve the cabana for the Monday after next. How exciting. Then comes Dr Decamp... just love him to death, he speaks and you feel that he knows what he is talking about and you completely trust him. He explained their working theory and how he would make sure that they were doing the best possible for me. He is on a holding pattern since he is the surgeon and as of right now, we have no surgery on our future.

Lastly, Dr Berman comes in. He is the radiation expert, and the one that has the number smarts. When he explains what it takes to get the radiation settings right, you realize why it takes a couple of days. Rather wait a bit and make sure they get it right. I am sure he will..

This time around I am preparing myself mentally a little better. Going to see a psychiatrist tomorrow to make sure that I stay in the current frame of mind. Because of reason of confidentia... screw... I am not telling you anything about those sessions so you might as well make them up....

meeting all friends and a pre-scan

Today was sort of a backwards day. I was going for the preparatory scan to get all the math set for radiation before seeing all the doctors. We all know now the big news, it is the same non-small cell lung cancer I had before, but now it is in my armpit and along some nodes all the way up the clavicle (collar bone).

I walk into the prep radiology area knowing full well what I had in store. As luck would have it, the technician was Tom, the same guy that you might remember came in a year ago on a Saturday to start my then radiation. He as then was incredibly nice and got me ready for the scan. From the scan, they take the coordinates of all cancer locations and map it out, compare it to my old location for radiation decide on how long and the intensity of the radiation. That is all fascinating, but I am laying on a cold slab and I can't move since I've been told not to move just in case they need to rescan. As always, they had to tattoo me again. Now I have 10 dots all over the chest and arm pit areas. OUCH!

First appointment at the BI Hilton for my tanning is on Wednesday...

News Flash...

Well, the news is in or at least the pathology report. I have the same cancer I had the last time with perhaps traces of something else. It sounds like a Martini… I’ll have a dirty martini with a hint of juniper. I am being scanned for my radiation bed sessions and I commence my tanning next week. Oh yeah.. let’s not forget the chemo.. that’s coming too what and how much to be determined Thursday. On Thursday, we meet with the doctors, now formally named The Three Amigos to really get the lowdown on the pathology reports and the official cocktails and tanning that I’ll be doing. I suppose there is some consolation in that this is not a common metastasis or location. Leave it to me..

People that faint... come out of the closet

After Eileen's dramatic moment, way more people than I expected have fessed up to having fainted in a hospital or in a doctor's office. For those of you interested, I found in wisegeek.com the following small history of the fainting couch.

A fainting couch is a backless couch with typically one end raised to recline upon. Though couches like this might have been made prior to the 19th century, the fainting couch wasn't commonly referred to as such until the 19th century. The fainting couch was made for women, especially since so many women in the 1800s wore corsets. Corsets kept a woman breathless, making it much more likely she would faint. Some homes, and hotels even had fainting rooms, where women could catch their breath on a fainting couch.

By the way.. smelling salts will be carried at all times.. (Smelling salts are a combination of ammonium carbonate and perfume. They were traditionally used to revive people from faints, and are often associated with frail 19th century women) and no Eileen is hardly a frail 19th century woman...

Maybe I should rent one at the B.I. Hilton....

Armani would be appalled

This was taken by the same woman that fainted, Pay back is a bitch!

Three strikes and you are OUT!

Today was the day of the biopsy. Contrary to the last one, the "growths" are not in the way or attached to a major artery or vein, so the method was more traditional. I arrived early (duh!) and changed into the non-Armani hospital gowns. You would think that with all my experience I would know how to put them on, but alas.. I looked like a circus clown.

First was the proverbial blood sample. Wait an hour for the results and my turn was up. At this point Eileen (who should stick to the teaching profession) asked if she could come into the room (strike 1). They put the jelly (warm and tingling version) and they ultrasound the armpit and under my clavicle. Target is set; X marks the spoy and the doctor starts calling for all the needles. I ask Eileen if everything is ok and that this was her last chance to escape, she says she is fine..strike 2(sure sis..)

They inject some lidocaine (ouch for 2 seconds) and start the procedure. A 4 inch needle is inserted into the axila (otherwise known as the armpit) and they watch the progress on the ultrasound screen. Once on target a gun looking thing is attached to the needle and after a small click (no pain) the sample is taken. The doctor is waiting for someone from pathology to give the OK for the sample viability to grow and he proceeds to leave the room, giving my sister a clear view of my armpit with a 4 inch needle sticking out. I asked her if she was ok to which she answered mmm... yeah... and suddenly she leaves. Unbeknown to me the poor thing proceeds to faint and fall to the ground outside the biopsy room STRIKE 3 YOU ARE OUT!. The nurse proceeds to place her in the room next to mine while my procedure is finished.

As I am preparing to leave I realize that she has left me her bag, computer and coat and as I pick up all her stuff and think "this is not like her to do this" I see her with her feet elevated and drinking an apple juice. Procedure was successful, but now I know not to have sister in the room...

Armpit is soar as hell....Now we wait 3-4 days for pathology results.

House progress

View from the driveway.

Yesterday we went up to Waterville to meet with the builder and check out the progress on the project. We had only met with one of the owners Mike (the builder dude) and had yet to meet Mark, (the numbers dude). Very pleasent meeting and some major decisions were accomplished (bisque vs white). The kitchen design is set and the appliances are ordered. The estimate end of june for the completion date. Shoudl we all do a secret ballot contest??


The big wood thing on the floor is the bank of windows in the back... It is a barn raising!

Guest quarters.. almost done!

Knitting with dental floss

As most of you know, Paul picked the sweater he wanted me to make for him. As always, they are very interesting and challenging, HOWEVER, this time he picked a sweater that is done with almond and grape dental floss. The yarn is so thin, you could basically use it to get that popcorn thing that always gets stuck in your teeth. I do like the sweater and it is moving a lot faster than I expected...

to write or not to write

Since we won't know anything until at least next Monday, I thought of not writing anything...then I thought to myself..but that is 10 days of my brain churning and everyone wondering. We will still have to wonder, but I wanted to tell you the story of being very lucky to work in a place that I feel so wonderful at. We work hard (OK, some more than others) and there is always a great story or incident that makes us laugh.

We are soon celebrating a wedding, the return of Sass to work, first air travel, return to air travel, first cruises and a lot of other events. We know everyones' cell phone rings and overall have made a warm and wonderful environment.

Today, lunch was a special treat since it was quality time spent with one very caring person. It has made for a very easy transition from life as always to gentlemen to your battle stations.

so here we go again....

On February 28th I went to my 3 month appointment at B.I. I had really nothing to talk about with them; breathing was good, gym was good, but I had this bump by my collar bone that was preventing me from wearing any low sweetheart necklines. When I showed the doctors, they were all a bit perplexed since it wasn't there last scan in December. What could that be???... Well.. HELLO.... you guys are the doctors... I didn't ask for a breast implant in the wrong place!

They decided that I needed a Pet scan/CT scan on March 4th. You all know how much I love those. First the motor oil concoction and then the dreaded barium. YUKE!...

And then we wait... 1 whole week. In the meantime, I think that the bump is getting hard and growing a little bit, and to make matters worst, it is fucking up my sleep because I can't seem to get comfortable in my usual sleeping position.

So let's forward to Tuesday. The doctor team never sees patients on Tuesday's and I know that they will be either late or not there. Radiologist dude comes in 45 minutes late and drops the bomb... I either have a recurrence of the old cancer or I have a new cancerous growth as shown in the petscan. MOFO..

The biopsy is scheduled for Monday and then we can give it a name. Once we have a name, the diagnostic and battle plan is drawn. It does appear that I will have some time booked at the BI Hilton for some tanning soon. Frequent miles for me!