the post with no name...

today we met with the radiation doctor. Poor bastard had his haircut and it was awful, but I digress... He basically said that even though my #'s are low we are good to go for chemo next week. OH JOY.. I am so excited.. controlled poisoning for 6 days, hopefully 3 needles only and Mr Nasty will need to make a reappearance.

Besides that, working from home, which is OK, but I rather see people face to face. When I get bored I go for a 10 minute ride and then come back to continue working/knitting/picking up or whatever needs to be done. I need a haircut, maybe Friday.

and we are clear

with the white blood cell counts barely above the limit but trending in the correct direction, I am back on the schedule for radiation... That was the good news of the day.

The bad news is that they had to hunt twice to find a vein. The poor veins are tired and hiding.

The schedule for Monday

Monday morning I am expected to be there first thing for a blood test. From that we are expecting the white blood cell counts to be up by a lot. If that is the case, then I am cleared for radiation and can continue with the tanning. After that....home to work on the computer.

The best get well card ever.

I am not posting the card because I don't hav permission from everyone BUT... while in the hospital all the people from work took a picture while holding letter signs that spelled out G-E-T W-E-L-L S-O-O-N, it was the sweatest thing in the world... It even made me weepy... damn it... those bastards sure know how to get to me!

a day in Provence

it is incredible to me what a day of peace and quiet can do. Saturday was about laundry, TV, knitting and nothing else. Paul spoiled me with a homemade chicken soup that would revive the dead. Lots of bread and shortcake and I was feeling like new.

I slept 8 hours with only 2 interruptions and today will most likely be a reenactment of yesterday... ahhhh the simple life... could get used to this!

If you are going to ..

get sick that is, I highly recommend the BI Hilton. As always, the staff has been incredible to work with. We did however find out this tidbit of information... Word of mouth between the staff runs like wild fire.. If you are a good patient (which I am considered to be among them), the more senior staff will request you as their patient hence making the whole experience better. just a small tidbit to make your next visit better..

2 hours at a time....

Being home has rejuvenated me, or at least not hearing all those infernal bells from the hospital. I do not miss the 5 o'clock in the morning "blood sample" call or the tray (exactly the same) for breakfast, lunch and dinner with the bad chicken broth, the red icky Jello and the orange ice cup.

After a lovely and HOT minestrone soups sans minestrone and a dry toast for dinner I did a small amount of laundry folding (I do have standards to keep) and went to bed...mmm my bed and my pillow...Granted I slept in chunks of 2 hours, but from nine till six I can say I was in Orpheus hands....

I'm home!!

Just a short blog entry... They let me come home today... I am thrilled, my shower my bed.. YEAH!

Rejected from where???

ONCE AGAIN... rejected by a group that nobody wants to join anyway. Yesterday the asked me not to go to have radiation. I mean really... So my counts were low and blah blah blah..

Hopefully today I'll have my tanning sessions...

Food Order Contradictions

In the last 48 hours Paul has had to order food and mantain a straight face while doing so. Yesterday he was at the deli getting a sandwhich for Eileen... Turkey Club, no lettuce or tomato... after the third degree, he finally got his sandwhich. Today, he went to Joan & Ed's deli and ordered matzah ball soup... hold the matzah ball... he notes that the attendant at the counter after a second figure out the "clear liquid" thing.

Clear liquids are food too??

I have never really had to watch what I eat, of course when they tell you that you can't eat anything, you crave food like crazy. Last night, I was upgraded to a "clear liquid diet". To my amusement and horror, the doctor said, with a straight face no less, if you can see through it you can eat it... Since I was hungry all I could think of is that when lined up properly, I can see through Swiss cheese, but I knew I would get a V8 slap on the head!

hello world... ok step a little back

Well the news is interesting... I have been in the hospital now for 2 days under massive IV antibiotics. Imagine if you will that you have 500 white cell troops when you area well. During chemo, them troops are compromised and knocked out. I was not aware, but 8-10 days after chemo, your troops are compromised the most. We are right now on day 10!

To complicate matters my new little friend Mr Diverticulitis, took over whatever troops were left and kidnapped them.. The doctors counter attack was the oral antibiotics to which the troops didn't respond well. As the white blood cells keep plummeting, the doctors decided to label my status as neutropenic I know reside on a very sterile cabana. It is more like a venetian costume party since everyone wears masks... I suspect I will be here for a couple more days.

Research Assistant

My dearest sister who loves to do research just re-read or relived the entire blog... I suppose that makes her a masochist. However, she was proving the point that the last time I had chemo and radiation I was making Linda Blair proud. Luckily I have stopped doing that but I have not been able to sleep the night (and I need that) and

I am ready for an bacterial warfare with all the Cipro I have in the system. It is like nuclear Drano..

Where did he go???

OK OK, I have been out of circulation for a few days, but we have much to tell. We all know that Wednesday I had decided that I needed some supervision. I clearly did not feel well and I could see the infamous wall coming towards me fast and furious.... and then I woke up Thursday... I felt like crap and I looked like it too. I was incredibly emotional (non-drug induced) and just crashing fast. The nurse and Paul took me aside to the examination room and clearly felt there was something wrong... after the nurse and Dr Chemo saw me, I was sent to the emergency room mucho PRONTO.. 8 hours later it was determined that a) I have diverticulitis (fuck I feel old) and b I had an infection in the digestive system.

Isn't this just what you wanted to know... I am on massive doses of anti-biotics and feeling like the "other dwarfs" bitchy, cranky, bloated, et al..... sleep I am sure will come back soon.

The best intentions

Today, I had the best intentions in the world. I had slept 12 hours (i did need that beauty sleep) and I was up and about early for my radiation. I had decided to spend at least 4 solid hours at work catching up and seeing where everyone was at. YEAH RIGHT.. I lasted about 1 hour. First of all, my body is still tired, I guess controlled poisoning does take its toll, secondly I've come to the conclusion that my brain is just not in the right place. If feels that the world is moving in slow motion and my brain is going at 1,000,000 and then all of a sudden, the reverse happens.

In other words... I think I need some adult supervision!

A cookie shout out!

I have been slow in my thanks for those who have made amazing cookies for me... The other day, R&L came over for a lovely dinner and Mrs M. made what appeared to be 4 dozen amazing chocolate chip cookies, the plate is clean and ready to be returned. Also, my girls from Hopedale M&M (and the rest of the tasters)sent some truly sinful white chocolate macadamia nut cookies... OH FUCKING YUM!

Let's go fly a kite

So this afternoon, Paul took me to fly a kite... Haven't done that in centuries... actually, Paul's nephew when he was very little thought the kite would take him away up in the sky. Granted that was the great thought today, to feel like being away. We had about 1 hour of the kite and then we went to a clam shack for lunch... wonderful moments... what can I say..

and now for some of the technical stuff

Interestingly, the question of why are we looking upstairs in the brain keeps coming up. There seems to be several reasons. One is that statistically (and everything with cancer is based on them) the type of cancer I have seems to have a propensity to like to migrate to the brain. Furthermore, they were a little concerned about my headaches and blurry vision. It seems that it is stress (double duh!) and perhaps a new eyeglass prescription.

Interestingly, I guess I was speaking a touch louder than usual yesterday during chemo. Eileen got concerned that my audio system was failing due to pressure from the non-existent tumor. It seems I was just loud!.. but the drift here is you need to be aware of all those small changes, they do seem to make a difference when trying to diagnoses what the fuck is going on.

Next weird point is that surgery will be in my future, fucking again!!! La Divina is having a fit over all this surgery crap, what will I wear?? Surgeon dude and radiologist dude seem to have determined that since it was what happened the last time, it will be what happens this time. WHATEVER MARY... just don't interfere too much with my usual plans. Paul is going to be thrilled that i have to finish his sweater before surgery happens!

Huey Dewey and Louie

Have not taken residence on the brain. The ony activity up there is my normal (or abnormal) functions. For once we have great news... My brain is all clear!!!

Having said that.... It has been a great releif to know that I only have 1 cancer to deal with, much easier than 2. SO chemo and radiation keep on going full steam ahead and according to todays visit all systems are normal. Later today, a stroll by the beach. I told you life was going to change! a stroll no less... not a jug, but a stroll... smell the pollution.. I mean the salt air and walk with my honey...

looking for my marbles!

Reckoning day, are they all there??? Have I acquired a few new ones? Are they worthy of keeping? I slept about 2 hours last night obsessing over the possibility of extra tenants in my brain. It does not help that I feel swollen (3 liters of saline yesterday I am sure do not help) but for fuck sake ... enough is enough... let me know and let's get on with in it.

I have also gained 2 more pounds, yes that would be 4 total since we started AGAIN. I am sure it has to do with my new morning cancer glazed donut or the french vanilla hot fudge cancer sundae I eat at night... enough of that too.. no more sugar for fuck sake. I am even back to drinking coke again, I had managed to keep it down to 1 can a day...but nooooooooooooo, that went out the window too.

Thus today will be the first back to almost sugar free food, as long as no tenants are living upstairs! Otherwise, 5 lbs of raw sugar cane for everyone

a long ass day for sure

Today was the last day of the first 6 day session of chemo. In addition, I had my regular radiation appointment and blood tests needed to be done. All in all a 7 hour hospital day. by the end of the day I was ready to pull all the IV cables and start running. I was cranky, hungry, bitchy and most of all bored out of my mind.

To keep it all in perspective, my room mate was going through the tests and tribulations of a bone marrow transplant. No easy feat in itself, but after listening to what he has to endure mentally through the process, all I can say is that there is always someone even more screwed than I am. Thus, I need to QUIT MY BITCHING, it ain't that bad. Other people have it harder and they are enduring.

So, I got home, call work, bitched them out a bit (it would be out of character otherwise, and went for a ride by the beach. Pizza for dinner..

Enough is enough

Today at 6:00am we were off to do an MRI of my head. I suppose they want to make sure that only those who passed the last census are living there and that there are no squatters. Now that would suck! The staff at the BI Hilton as always was ready form and more that willing to help with the exam. However, results will not be available until Tuesday. W are all expecting that the headaches are all stress induced (go figure).

After the MRI we went off for a lovely breakfast in peace and quiet. From there, we went to get the lamps for the living room for the house in NH, and then back home. If you recall last chemo session last year, we had gone to Portland ME and on the return trip, all I did was sleep. I guess it finally go to me. BUT this time around, I just refuse to be sleeping considering that a) I am an old pro at this crap and b) I could be tending to new tenants in my head (doubt it but you never know).

So we decided to go to a concert tonight, and I took my bike in for the spring tune-up. Rich as always gave me the impetus to do this since he is getting back on his bike again, (you all remember him from the stair climb last year)

So enough moping around and back to my roller blades (OK very very carefully on those and back on the bike (get the cars out of the way) BE ACTIVE !

If it is Friday...

It must be laundry day... What is it about clean sheet and towels, properly fluffed and folded that gives me such pleasure? Having my little 13 square template to have all the t-shirts and polo shirts folded to the exact measurement so that they stack neatly on the shelves? Is this a genetic advantage or simply a case of OCD run amok?

These are all rethorical questions... it makes me smile to see my neat little piles in perfect color coordination... VIVE LE ORDER...

Chemo Day 4

Not that this is getting old, but it certainly iS getting MIGHTY boring. Hving the IV thing in is great since I will only have to obsess over it twice per session, but not having it in place is great since it doesn't remind you constanly that you are sick... stinky sock or not.

By the way, The stinky sock is constantly being washed so it will no go under the category of YUKE.

One more session of chemo this week and one on monday and then I get a chemo break for a couple of weeks. I am having my head done on saturday (MRI of the head) since everyone wants to make sure, a) there still i a brain in place and b) that only the brain resides in that cavity! We shall keep you posted.

Besides that, working from home and watching the first spring day in Boston!

lemon blueberry bread

My baking team from Hopedale has done it again. A fabulous pair of lemon blueberry loaf of bread, one for now, one to freeze.. Thank you as always... I don't know if it will be necessary to freeze since I am already almost done with the first loaf.

The card was fabulous, It will be circulated among those called out on the list of medical terminologies

when only cashmere will do

Day three of chemo,,, yuke. The nausea and vomiting is rearing it's ugly head and the headache I've had is award winning. But the silver lining is that the have me come home with the IV connector so that I only have to be pinched twice during this chemo cycle.

In order to do that, I have stolen a couple of Paul's long sleeve tee shirts to cover the IV connector (I just don't want to see it) and Paul graciously cut his favorite red cashmere socks in order to create a sleeve to go over the t-shirt to protect the IV while I sleep. (exhibit a)

Of course the other sock is waiting for the next chemo cycle, but Paul has put it to good use with his impersonation of a sock circus. He hasn't given the puppet a name, but I am sure someone will come up with something politically incorrect and highly inappropriate.

The Poisonous Combo

Controlled poisoning, that is all this nonsense is, first rampant radiation, and the two lovely poisons. The single cabanas were full (usually reserved for bone marrow transplant) so I had a double. Still quantum leaps better than the opium den with 50 people in one room getting chemo.


I had to come in early for a blood sample (pinch #1) to be sent to the lab, then fry in the radiation table, and then go to the B.I. Hilton Cabana section. Lovely to see some of the regular faces, but I knew the I.V needle was coming and fast. The nurse was smart enough to look at my arm and say "we need the IV Nurse for this!" Out comes the heat pack... Not bad, one try and it worked, itchy because the flow was set too fast, but that was soon fixed.

Five hours later and I am heading home for surely an early meal and early dinner since we repeat it again tomorrow.

Progress in Waterville

Progress at last, as you can see, there still is a lot of snow, but finally the builder has decided to start in earnest. The second floor framing is up, and now all we need is a roof.

This is the view down the ravine... the deck will be precariously perched over it. I am sure that I will be discovering what is down there as soon as spring arrives.

This would be the view from the guest quarters... Nice window to look out!

The back is done

Hurray... The back of the sweater us done, and I've already started the front. I was concerned that I wouldn't have enough yarn to finish it but I was able to get a few extra skins of yarn to make sure that wouldn't happen. Tomorrow during chemo I expect to be working and kitting during the long boring 5 hours.

Shrink day...

as in the head shrink not the cannibals that shrink heads.. All I can say about today's session is that after a very deep and difficult conversation, shrink doc says to me... you are so fucking rational... insult??? I think NOT

you stink...

One of the more interesting things about radiation on this round is the fact that some of the beams are directed at my armpit. In order for the radiation to work well, I am supposed to not wear any deodorant.. and certainly no anti-perspirant. The metal content in both products presents a problem for the full dosage not to get microscopically deflected. Right now, it is nice and cool outside, but as soon as the temperature goes up, I will start to sweat (only on one armpit) and then smell.. eekk...

Day 1

As usual, the first day of anything is stressful, today in particular since it technically was not my first, wasn't too bad. When I got to the dept. The head nurse Donna looked at me and said "I don't believe I asked you to come back". For having such a tough job, they are amazing. She went over all the side effects and I started thinking... oh oh... this is going to suck again!

Today, they take a few X-Ray shots before starting, the lined me up with the tattoos and turn on that sucker... BBZZZZZZZZZZ flip BBzzzzzzzzzz, and we are done. During the whole process you can't move AT ALL. God forbid you have an itch no scratching please. What is an itch anyway but an inopportune skin reaction to someone saying you can't scratch. I'll be back tomorrow for more.

we are off

woke up early today, to many dreams good and bad. Have a wancker of a headache and simply, like the 8 year old I am, I don't want to go in today. I realize I don't have a choice, but I don't want to lay on that cold slab even for 5 seconds. Then I stop the bitchiness and realize all that needs doing is to get coffee and to go and tan. Paul is taking me today. Maybe a nice lunch afterwards... Paris, Buenos Aires, Jamaica Plain? Remind me to tell you about the house in JP, it has been sold!

Friends for far away

Every so often I hear from my friend the Austrian prince. It is alway funny to hear from him since he has always made me laugh. The emails started with a picture of his new car... a sensational piece of engineering, I replied that is was fantastic, and told him to visit the blog to get up to date on what is going on... his response was so visceral that it made me laugh... MIERDA!

The list

Getting ready for my first tanning session tomorrow... Summer murder mystery book - check, no deodorant on the left armpit - check, goop for radiation burnt skin - check, beach parking pass (hate paying for parking) - check, anti-nausea medication - check. All in the name of shrinkage!