A very very very long day

Today was a very interesting day. Certainly one that as the day progressed Mr and Mrs Cranky did some tricks...nasty little fuckers...So we begin with the classic Ultrasound test... thump...thump...thump.... it is not a babies heartbeat, it is the sounds of my heart pumping extra for the gained 20 pounds of flesh, thank you IAGO)

Next, visit with new Radiation dude that seems to specialize in the so called "lower abdomen region" whatever that might mean. He looks, he prods, he questions AND THEN HE SAYS drop the pants we are going in... MOTHER OF GOD must they always surprise you that way... The good news was that anatomically everything was where it was supposed to be and appeared to be working... He did say, stop eating like a pig, it will be a bitch to work it out...Advice taken, (although I have eaten 1/2 box of sandwiches just writing this.

Meanwhile at the same time, my sister and brother are coordinating a quick visit to the homeland (URGH!) to see the immediate family and... nothing fancy, 400 of the closests cousins (KIDDING) Just a mall meet and greet and to see...(music please...) mother... After that we are planning some days by the beach to chill and chill some more.

and now, back to the hospital...He will see me after lunch to have yet my 4th mapping of my ass... Has anyone thought about the fact that I have lung cancer in my ass???? confused????TELL ME ABOUT IT. So what they do is the put you in the CT Scan and literally digitiza your ass. Then, this sadist ass comes over and does a series of tattoo's to use as reference points. As his nelliness (me)paints his nails black, (very goth of me don't you think?) I just think big tattoos got to hurt like a mother!

The new thing is that I have a big mass (not my brain) between my Sacrum and my rectum (latin terms to confuse the kiddies) . I like to think of it as between that place where your back looses it's name and the beginning of the ass. The object willl be to have them never EVER touch...I guess pain ensues. Not that this is not a pain in the ass anyway...

Now, we are all confused

We all remember the PET-SCAN with the lovely Frappucino Mix flavor..foolishly I thought it was about the brain tumors...Well,there they are throwing the in-field curve ball..TOTAL SCAN. That's all good, but now we know for certainty I have two more cancer locations...(what the fuck is it the Grand Opening week at Wal-Mart? More locations for your shopping convenience)... but digress.

One node is lighting my left armpit and the other one, much more colorful and active seems to be between my rectum and the spinal cord. Don't be alarmed yet, on Friday we are gettting the doctors to explain it all to us in a more clear concise fashion.

There seems to be a few new choices in the treatment area... 1 is the Cyber Knife, (very high tech but tomorrow will be explained, or a new chemo drug that I only take orally...let's face it, my veins need a rest!. Interestingly, when you hear the doctor talk to the drug company rep, it IS like a deal is going down with Pablo Escobar, it all sounded very exciting but the best is that the side effects seem to be very mild and I can travel WHILE doing chemo...fucking efficient even ick!

Does it look good, no... am I having fun from here to wherever there is...YOU BET, however..Roid Rage can and will get heads cut off for saying dumb statements!

holy crap, now what?

Let's start with the WHAT THE FUCK PART... I am weighing 178 pounds...The heaviest I have ever been in my life..I look like a pregnant woman and I guess I have the mood swings and trades they get. To boot, my skin is NOT performing at it best since it stretching and contracting..JUST NOT PRETTY!

What a pig...

After eating my way through every buffet line...massive steroids = 17 pounds gained in a little under 2 weeks. No more binge eating, until the ice cream bars are gone...and walk walk walk.

EILEEN...your brother is an official PORKY CERDO

what insomnia?

Normally, I sleep solid, no waking up, no tossing about. With the steroids, that has gone out the window and I find myself doing laundry at 3:00am. Granted I've cleaned all my sweaters and rerranged all the shelves, but even I can recognize ocd a mile away.

If only one person in a couple suffers from insomnia, shouldn't there be 2 bedrooms so that they can actually sleep or be awake independently? I am very confused since it is I who tell Paul these days to wear earplugs since I know I will be making noise...

and another thing, this radiation session has my skin soooo dry that the tip of the fingers are cracked and in pain. I've taken to using plastic gloves in the house to attempt to maintain a semblance of civility...

is it time for coffee yet???? 5:00am soooooonnnnn

A peaceful week-end in the frigid mountains

I would like to know how 3 Caribbean basin humans enjoy 4 degree weather! It appears that I really should only drive during the day and NOT when my energy and concentration is 0. But, being the stubborn ass I am, I wanted my car up in NH. Enter sis/brother in law and pumpkin...Let's patronize Max Headroom they thought to htemselves...between the 3 they managed to make me think I had free will.... yeah right. I do have to admit to sort of forgetting where I was going, but maybe that is really not so bad...is it? I have slowed the pace of life on purposes to smell the roses better.

for 3 days, we did nothing...and I mean absolutely nothing. We ate very well, had lovely naps and conversations while napping. Right know, I can fall asleep next to a column for 5 minutes and think days have gone by. Just lovely. The drove me back home today and all I can say is that it was the perfect week-end. Frank took care of all the work stuff and emails flew back and forth...

Tonight there seems to be a lecture In my head by Pirandello and Italian Comedia del Arte. It only makes sense since I have been craving pounds of prosciutto with melon....

The shrink

I have been going on and very off to the shrink nnow for at least 20 years. He is concise, non-verbose and incredibly astute. During this time of meetings with small and large dwellers, he has been very clear. Careful with the rhoid rage is very real. My so called thoid rage has taken 2 patterns, on line shopping and ice cream bars at all hours. Harmless so far.

In addittion to that, he classifies me as black/white with a volume of 8 or so, now with the steroids he puts me about 12 in intensity with a color variation of "0" it either is or it ain't.!

Las night I work for real work for aout2 hours and had a small board meeting qith the tenants. Since I know that drugs and sugar makes them happy, they will stay away from disturbing my sleep. I also looked carefully at the bottle and it DID say I could take 2. YUMMY - 5 STRAIGHT HOURS OF SLEEP. Granted it is early, but I am a new man!

PET Scan

Yesterday was a class A day.. I had a Petscan at noon and lots of errands to do. Frank met me at the parking lot at Target to exchngae the 2009 reviews that he needed to scan and send to coporate and all that good corporate stuff.

As I needed towels to change the color scheme in my bathroom, after all, we all deserve a hint of color!
Then off to the scan. They changed the protocol to now only have 200mls of the new and improved Frappucino Mint and no Barium. It was actally not bad and made the experience 100% better. Since I was exhausted, I slept for 2 hours inside the scan tube. Most refreshing I must say. Then dinner with sis and G. I ate like a pig!

To those who don' steal..

Well goody for you... Imagine my surprise yesterday when the UPS man pulled up with a Neimn Marcus gigantic box of Bulgari Product... I mean really, a little pomade for my dry scalp... tHIS PACKAGE IS GLORIOUS. Someone (The Divine Ms M of course) sent it to me. Well!!! I love this this woman (and you all know that coming from me is a lot)! She is thoughtful, always tere and quick!. Never known her to miss much if any. We met long time ago and I always think of her as one of the true legends in hte world. The ex-boyfriend was catapulted like a bad James Bond movie ( GOOD!) Love te new ex-husband. Most of all just plain adore her!

tHANK YOU FOR THE PRODUCTS, COMING FROM YOU EVEN IF IT WAS Mary Kay I would love it.

jugs kisses and a big smooch!

All of us in my head

PS Andy, that does NOT mean you are of the hook!

Submarine communications

For whatever reason, the tumor has given me the super power not to be able to cradle the phone between the neck and the collarbone.. Today as I was trying to show over the phone to my brother how well I was doing, I saw the phone take a 9.7 double forward somersault into the churning wash cycle hot water Luckily, the phone is now in heated recovery and once ahain receiving calls. I could not have dunked the 3rd base unit could I???? it ha to be the official first phone!

Company meeting

At 2:00am, some of the guys upstairs decided it was time for a company meeting. I am sure they were just hungry...On the way down from NH we stopped at an credible yarn store. Once again ST Paul will have a fabulous sweater... It looks so complicated it is ridiculous, BUT I can't wit to start on it already. What usually happens in my manic psychotic states is that I backup several projects ata time. Good catholic guilt keeps me in track to finish everything. I have a red one for me that is only missing the arms, then Paul's sweater and then a lime green linen one for me. After that there is one I am already eyeing. In the meantime I have to learn how to saw by hand and with a machine, quilting has always been up there but too much sitting, so never tried it. Ms McKinstry...sawing classes for Madame Thenardier please!

Today after radiation, closet cleaning, shoes polished, haircut and finish that red arm for my sweater... 28 hours a day sounds like a good plan. No time to waste. HOWEVER, if you see me leaning against a column, pehraps nap time is in order

Oh yes...work tooo

unexpected treats

and then when you least expect it you get treats... and I love them all... be it grape homemdae jam, gummy bears, gingerbread, or lemon cookies... we all thankyou...

least expected rr

Upside down pineapple caked

Many of you have responded to make sense of all of this. There is none. We play with the little people in my head and this morning we offer them pancakes with real NH maple syrup. Maybe the sugar will appease them or maybe not. All I know is that this will never make sense but we can certainly view it from a different angle. Don't waste time bitching that the roads are not sanded to the asphalt, just drive along singing your song... The world is not meant to be perfect or optimized... just enjoy it.

Havinng said that...coffee, shower and waking up the troops is my next task.

Grumpy, Bitchy, Water retention and the rest...WAKE UP

Tron conference

I had to call a meeting of all the people in my head. Since the brain is basically a circular room, it was very democratic. I had to call it because some of the tubers wanted to shop online, and some wanted to go to Wally World. The online is done aleast for the clothing, now the Wally part. We will wait for my nehhew and his girlfriend to wake and then we will have a small breakfast # 3 for me. Much to talk about bf/gf expectatinos...oh the modern world...

tRON IS UP

which means I am siting in bed and ready to go. It is a balmy 10 degrees and snowing. very pretty in that kind of frozen tundra kind of way. Everyone is in sleeping. I hit the wall at precisely 7:55 pm after a lovely meal and barely could make it to bed. Drugs and a lovely pillow kept me in their embrace till 4:00am when I got hungry. As I said before, Popsicles are my new Friend... That and baking powder gargles. I realize they don't mix. but it works

I hear the early skiers heading for the mountains and hope that one of the brings me coffee in bed. We were walking around Waterville last night and the mountain although cold, looked like it wanted to be sked by me.

Today, hopefully a lazy brunch and then some shopping, my OCD wants a couple of things.

hurry up and wait

I really never told anyone at ht my head currently looks like a game of TRON. It is very strange to be able to see the little fuckers move around my brain. Clearly 5 small and 2 large. Freaky really. The other interesting fact is that you have a clear middle to the brain, think of it as your nose line... I have created a lot of pressure on either ised and the line is no longer in the middle. This in turn creates the stress points that seem to give me the headaches... and good god, they are wankers....

how to keep forwrd e energy

Even though it is a balmy 7 degrees up here in NH, progress is being made. It appears that when the OCD kicks in, I snap out of my somber moods (and it was mighty dark last night. Of course there is a charge card that will hold the bag. Oh well, the price of beauty...what can i say. I used to always shave with The Art OF shaving products and I loved them. for some unknown reason, it popped up in my head again, so I went to the website and bought lotions and potions. Maybe not the anti-aging variety (let's face it, kind of late for that, but moisturizers and scented essentialy oils and fun hyper marketed fruit composts that are best left to a martini, but in this case my face will have to suffer a pomegranate mask.

The only really sad thing is that I will have to wait till next week to get them in the mail. I qwill also need to get new razor and blades for my new beauty regime..$2.99 a blade will hust not do

I've come to the conclusion that being OCD will costs someone, you need to store PROPERLY) your new product and fold it... Oh yeah, yesterday on the way up, we stopped at the LLBean outlet store in Concord; store was so, so, BUT it is the beginning of my South American wardrobe, casual yet elegant, and friendly enough to clothe 5 small tumors ( no names yet and 2 large one. At least they will be presentable!

not that I endorsing robbery

HOEVER... if one of those executive frinds I have happens to be in the Ritz-Carlton near a bathroom cart and all of a suddeen the bar of soap or shampoo jumpinto your bag... it was an accident I swear Mr Bulgari really wanted you to have it

a trip blog

Since I am basically in bed/sofa rest all the time, all I do is daydream, Today, my daycreaming has been derailed by 7 loads of laundry and a few work calls. I have yet to trully figure our how 2 people can have such laundry when i do laundry almost every 3rd day. Vive Le Wisk! hopefully a brake this week-end. we are going up to NH to freeze our asses somewhere selse. In the meantime, my head is wondering about lovely trip to south america.... Thank you to all that work with me the incredible assistance. No I am off to make beds and shower

a series of shortblugs

why is it that antibacterial soap is now requiered??? regular soap not good enough for thousand of years? Drives me nuts!

the man with the iron mask

For this session of radiation I only have 10 sessions. I suppose since we have to nuke 5 little guys and 2 larger guys that will be all the frying we need. The radiation button is set on high and I have been told WILL oose all my hair...shut up! I realize there is not much to loose, ut I don't need the reinforcement that little hair is better than no hair...hud!.. The making of the mask was very interesting since they basically heated up a white polymer that conforms around your ead since seizures are a problem in my current condition, I AM ALSO TAKiNG STEROIDs... (BRING N THE RUCKLOAD OF DONUGHTs!.it is expexted that my face will swell to fill out he mask and end up with some cris crosss around my face. Think of the marks on yournstake when you go to outback stakehouse. very pretty!

how about about an MRI for me

for the lAsT TWO WEEKS or so I have been getting masive nuclear hedaches... every blue moon I missed an imporant exit or two but whatever...it got so bad that Frank had to double check my work...ImGINe The horrible pssibility yhat I made an error and 2 MR Morris has to check my work...!!!!

At any rate, they cheduled me for an MRI as I had requested and knew something was up when the tech asked to run some of the tests twice. aNOTHER NEWBIE AT TELLING ME bad news... I had cancer on my fucking head... The neurosurgeon would tell me the details later... OH JOy... The neuro dude tells me that I have 7 tumors 2 of sizeabLE DIMEsIONS. HEY CAN NE RADIATED TO REDUCE OR MAKE them GO AWAY. There is a 95% pozibility]ty they are metastasis of the original cancer, in other words, variaiions on a theme. so he is pretty sure a biopsy will bot be necessaty They are bsically inopreable (being in the head) time will tell once radiation tarts soon and trwatment is for 10 days/

I REALIE THAT THIS BLOG Doesn't kake any grammatical sesne, but i would like to thank all of you for reading my muings which should always start with bigger letters and make fucking sense