I am set to go

This will be the last post pre-operation. To all of you who are praying thinking and/or sending good vibes, much appreciated. Tomorrow is "THE DAY" let's see how it all turns out. Interestingly, I am completely at ease and ready for the next portion of this story. Stay tuned..

Packing for the Spa

Turns out that packing for the Hilton is a hell of a lot easier than packing for a cruise. I much rather be packing for a Caribbean cruise, but that will come in due time. So far, toiletries, (I was advice to take tons of moisturizer) pajamas, robe, slippers, books and knitting. I am tempted to throw in a pair of Hawaiian shorts just to add a splash of color, but that would only be funny to me.

I am also bringing my cell phone; I suspect boredom might be what really kills me. As I get established in my new digs, I'll have Paul bring me my computers, that way I will be able to fill you all in what's going on.

Morning...

Damn it.. it is cloudy and foggy... hopefully the sun will come out, and I don't mean tomorrow.. Like Ms Anna would say, all I have been doing to chill is whistle a happy tune and doing my last bit of laundry. i have to pack my little bag, we all know that hospital fashions are NOT good for that coordinated look.

Pre-admissions was interesting, a little blood sample, x-ray, EKG.. yes I am alive and ready, let's get it over with.

Last day of work

Yikes.. today after my pre-op interview I go up to work and that's it for a while. I am not sure what is causing me more distress...not working or the surgery.. I realize that I am not well on the head, so spare me the crazy comments. We are down to 47 hour... finally this damn surgery will be done and over with. Even though I was up at 4:00am I am still not overly anxious. Tomorrow I think I will go for a long car ride and a little time at the beach (if it is warm enough); it will be a long time before I get to go out and walk around.

Post Op Blogging

I realize I am early posting this one, but you know me by now. Since I will be out of commission till probably Friday, I will not be posting anything to the blog. I suspect that Saturday will be my first post-op blog.

B.I. Hilton here I come

Tomorrow I am doing my pre-registration. It is so nice of them to do all the paperwork before my arrival! I really don't want to be bothered then. I have booked a room for 1 week, I figured I would get the weekly rate. In addition, they have me booked at the spa for 2 intense days of oxygenation therapy, the facials were all taken!...it is the latest in spa treatments.

a letter to work

For most people work is a place where you go to make a buck. You go in, do your thing and leave. I however am the luckiest person in the world, if you take the corporate nonsense aside, I just love the people I work with. They make me laugh and I hope they realize how much I will miss them while recuperating home. By the way, this goes for the people in the bldg I work with and the ones I deal with daily from other divisions. Lucky for me, i will be connected with my laptop.... poor bastards!

shower

First I will need to consider what toiletries to take, something tells me that the scar staples or sutures will get in the way of a proper shower. Since part of being human is the ability to take a shower, we will need to improvise… baby wipes will have to do. It is amazing how low we have to lower our standards, but so be it.

the bucket of cold water

Today we went to see the hemo doctors. Instead of them telling me something I didn't know, they nasically asked to recount what the surgeon had told me.

After I told my story, (sometimes I think they do it to make sure I know what I am getting into), the doctor proceeded to be Mr Pesimist... big downer. You all know the speech, don't get your hopes up, there are a million things that can go wrong. In other words, he was being the realist to the surgeons very optimistic view. Since I already know from the surgeon that a lot will depend on what they see when they go in, I am aware that everything is up for discovery.

so people... 7 days to go

it is official

March 28th, 6am Of course as all my cruise partners know, I have a countdown. I am starting to get anxious which means that I have a list of all the lists I need to make of things that I need to do before the 28th.

The stair climb....

We had all the ingredients... 4 runners (Richard, Adam, Paul and myself) and three cheerleaders (Lauren, Eileen and Lester). The weather sucked, but everyone seemed to make it there. Start times were posted and the order was deteremined. Adam first, Richard, Paul and me last 30 seconds would separate everyone.

Adam bolted up the stairs (19 floors) and clocked a very respectable 3:24, Richard posted 3:42 also very respectable. Paul and I tied at 6:02. For the record, the fastest person did it in 1:24.

When the results were announced, turns out that Paul came in 2nd in his age group, he got a ribbon for his feat!. The group came in first in fund raising with an estamated total of $5,000 and Richard came in first for the highest fundraising done by an individual.

Not only was it a lot of fun, but we raised some serious money for the cause... thank you everyone!!

The results show...

So nobody won... March 28 (unconfirmed) but that is the date the surgeon has open for me. I need to get the phone call from the person that schedules the OR but we are going with that date.

Now for the details.... The Brain MRI came back as "no known foreign or cancerous cell"; the echocardiogram said that my heart can handle the operation.

The respiratory activity report was more interesting. Did you know that most people favor the right lung over the left by about 5%? Granted it is slightly bigger since the left has to make room for the heart, but guess what??? I am the opposite of most people...DUH!! I am 53% on the left and 47% on the right, which works in my favor.

The bronchioscopy in which they took a biopsy of the nodes came back negative, which makes me a T3, N0, M0 Type of cancer is T3, with nothing on the (N)nodes and nothing as (m)Metastasis...all good news

Finally, I am sure you all remember the infamous chest MRI... The pictures and video were truly stunning. They were able to show as a movie and as a sectional the chest cavity. Surgeon then proceeded to explain the surgery with the sectional as his show and tell tool. I was thoroughly impressed...technology once again shows the amazing side of the human brain and the use of all those research and development dollars!

Let's make this interesting!

Let me know what day do you think surgery will be, not that it is 100% sure there will be surgery. (Please put a date if possible!)

killing time till thursday

Ever since I can remember, if I can't fall asleep I conjured up this place for me to go to. Since I associate not falling asleep with thinking to much or being distracted my little place is perfectly spherical, that way there are no corners to look at and be distracted. Secondly, my place is all white, don't know why, but that is the color I painted it. In my sick little head, there is a stairway, (down) that leads to it. Once I am inside, since I can't distract myself with anything I fall asleep. Usually I visit it before going to sleep.

Lately in order to kill time till Thursday, I go there on my way to work, (I am watching the road!) and on my way back, and sometimes I go away for 5 minutes during work.

As of right now, I only have to wait 37 more hours. Steady as she goes...

a note of thanks

As you can see from the link (Stair climb) Richard and I are the #1 fundraising team (Are We at the Top Yet). However the team that is in #2 is a team of ten and will probably come in with donations at the last minute. Not that I am competitive or anything, but we can't let that happen!

I would like to thank Richard for doing this, and everyone who has contributed to the cause.

Let's see how we do on the stair climb on St Patrick's day

Test #3, the last one

The chest MRI proved to be a highlight of what hell would be. Got there on time (ok 1/2 hour early) and got immediately sent in. Put the IV in (ouch for the 1000 time) and get ready. The nurse told me that at most it would be 45 minutes (remember this since they take your watch away).

This time, I was laying down feet into the tube, with 4 heart monitor probes, 1 respiratory bellow around my belly, and a metal/plastic contraption that went from my crotch to right about the nose and coveringmy entire chest. In order for it to not hit my nose, a couple of rolled towels are used to raise said contraption above my chin/nose. The IV is connected to the contrast fluid and I am good to go. In this series of tests, there is a radiologist asking for certain pictures, and I know I will not like him.

In I go into the tube, my feet exit on the other side and my head and chest are in the center. I hate this, I can deal with it, but I hate it. I close my eyes and try to go somewhere else in my head. (I can't tell you where that is). However, my happy trip is not meant to be, this is an interactive MRI. Breath IN, breath OUT, DON'T BREATH.....TIC TOC TIC TOC.... 20 seconds
This was repeated at least 140 times in different degrees of don't breath. Completely counterproductive if you are already in a tube where you feel there is no air.

They finally took me out to give my arms (which have to be above my head) a break. I asked how much longer and they said, 15 minutes tops. LIES LIES LIES. At this point I am pushed back into the tube, and they are going to put the contrast in and I feel my arm getting wet. Ring the emergency bell... and said... HELLO I AM GETTING WET! in they come to fix the bad connection they had made.. yikes these people are too fucking much!

Once the entire test is over I said to them, it must be about 5:00pm isn't.
Yes, they respond.... 2 hours of sheer hell!

Day 2 of testing

After going to work in the early morning and dealing with reports for month end, a new surprise was dropped on our lap (Frank and I) daylight savings time has been move two weeks early and we must update and do crap to computers that will take us hours. I am also sure that there will be fallout of things that do not work like they use to with the Flintstones versions of Microsoft.

Ran home to pick up Paul since I could not drive after today's appointment, and I was developing the mother of the headaches since I could not drink or eat since last night.

Go to the hospital and got a bed in the day care unit. Nurse checked me in and explain parts of the procedure, today's menu includes a bronchioscopy with a side of medication. They rolled me upstairs to where the exam was going to happen and the promised happy IV was set-up. Two doctors, two technicians, and a shitload of equipment. The first think was the use of a pressurized lidocaine gun up my nose and all over my throat (it tasted like crap) and then the happy fluid started flowing. From there, I am told that the put a scope with a camera down my bronchii to look for any cancerous tissue or tissue that might be suspect. I was told they took some tissue for biopsy.

Testing - check

Today I had 5 tests to do.. I have two more to go.

1st I had a brain MRI with and without contrast. According to the technician there is a brain.

2nd a pulmonary activity test. Blow into the tube and hold my breath.. and repeat and repeat. Kind of boring, mostly to understand lung capacity, i think

3rd echo cardiogram... way cool to see all the valves and the blood flow in 3-d and color. They want to make sure that everything is in working order

4th chest x-ray... so common that it is not worth explaining.

5th nuclear medicine for the determination of which lung is working how much (did you know that some people favor one lung over the other?) In addition, radioactive thallium to determine how the veins and arteries of the lung are working.

all in all a long ass day, but mostly very interesting.

This week-end a momentous thing happened. After 18 years of trying to get Paul to go skiing with me and do something other than look pretty at the lodge, he rented and used his skiing equipment.

He booked a lesson for 2 hours and I can attest that he was going up and down the slopes like a champ.. snow plow, turns, it was very impressive. And then...what blew me out of the water was when I saw him get on the chair lift and go try a green run. A very proud moment indeed...

My mind caught up with the actual date

It has taken me three days to catch up with what has actually happened. It might have been faster, but other things got in the way. The hardest part has been going from life as usual to your life has a lifespan that is determined in months. At that point, you shrink timewise all the things you want to do in your lifespan and try to live every second as important. For a planner like me, it was very hard emotionally and mentally; not to say a lot of work. I might have burnt a neuron or two.

Then all of a sudden someone who has a fancy degree ,comes over and tells you that they can, if they patch 1 vein, one artery and take out a portion of a lung, bring your life back to double digit year extension and possibly be cancer free.

All that planning out the window, BUT, I am the cynic... I don't believe everything I hear.. hopeful pessimism or guarded optimism, call it what you will.. I will have my shortened plan stashed away until after the surgery.

things have been changing a bit too fast.

The sprint and the marathon

SO... let me tell you about my day today... Blood pressure is normal, so is the oxygen level and the weight is up 2 pounds from December 21st.

Hematology Oncology docs came in first... the warm up act. Not much to say since their involvement has been relegated to second tier citizens. Blah blah, you are doing so well....blah blah...you look so good.

Then came the radiology group, I really like this doctor and his intern, in a very reserved way, he answers questions clearly and I feel that he gets it. To him the fight with cancer is personal. A few more questions and then the interesting stuff starts to flow... the tumor has been reduced by about 50% (which is a good thing) however, it is currently like a ring around a finger just so happens the finger is the superior vena cava. It is also laying on top of the Aorta (the hope is that there is no invasion on the aorta), and the pulmonary artery. They discuss the fact that the thoracic surgeon who I meet with next has interesting possibilities for me to consider but that if I don't choose any, there is another experimental radiation technique called the cyber-knife or radiation surgery that can be done. Choices are available, but I am not in a good mood, nothing seems promising, and everything seems painful. Prognosis at this point is anywhere between 18 months and 3 years, in other words statistical #'s that need to be beaten.

They leave the room and we wait, and we wait some more; we had to wait 30 minutes for the thoracic surgeons intern to come visit and ask the dumbest questions in the universe... at this point I am cranky and the rest of the gang is getting anxious... we have gotten nowhere in the choice department and we all seem to have different opinions of what has happened so far. Think of it as we met The Riddler from batman and we can't figure out what the fuck they are talking about.

AND THEN 1 hour late ...the guy with the nimble fingers walks in... Dr such and such, thoracic surgery.... he proceeds to explain that a 50% reduction is very good and that IF there was to be surgery there would be a series of steps and tests that I need to pass. However.. the news is that a series of surgical events can occur to take out what it is expected to be all of the tumor. This sounds interesting...

First, it would be a bypass surgical intervention, the ring and that section of the vein would be removed and replaced with a portion of a vein from my leg. Then, they would peel off the section of the tumor that is hopefully just laying on top of the aorta. IF it was not just laying down on it, bypass #2 would occur. And now the part that for whatever reason has me on a tailspin.... a portion (1/3 minimum) of the lung would be removed. Granted you have over capacity, but for whatever reason this just annoys me. The issue being that the tumor is also laying/touching the pulmonary artery and in order to remove it, you would be removing the blood supply of the lung, so you might as well deal with it right there and then.

All of this will occur in a crazy sprint in the next 2 weeks. Next week I have to do 1) a head MRI, it seem that lung cancer tends to spread to the brain 2) a chest MRI, 3) a bronchioscopy ( a biopsy to make sure that nothing has spread to the lymph nodes) 4) and echocardiogram 5) a lung capacity respiration test ( to determine what would happen if they remove one lung) and I could swear there was one more. I have to pass all of them to be able to sit with the surgeon and schedule a date for the surgery...but we all know how I get about tests...a little competitive! and by the way, only 1-2% of lung cancers develop the way mine has... I feel so special!

who wants the front car?

It is 10:00am... knitting doing laundry and generally killing time, think of it as waiting in line at the amusement park. I love rollercoasters, just not the one I am in line for. Hope everyone is ready.