Some unconnected thoughts

Went to a most unusual yet amazing museum. Certainly the higlight of a great week-end in Vermont. Shelburne Museum in VT

Had a great meal at the Barnard Inn.

What is up with the price of gas...for fuck sake, a gallon of gas is as expensive as a cheeseburger meal at McDonalds.

The idea of the world cruise is more appealing every day.

I hate having to wait till net tuesday to have a firm surgery date... it would be interesting to hear what the #2 surgeon will have to say. I also know there is at least another MRI of my head in the future.

My mother is coming to this surgery... I am not sure how I feel about it.

24 hours later...

Woke up at 4 am... wonder why... Decided at that hour to send Dr Surgeon an email to let him know that a decision had been made and to let me know what was next. Unbelievably, by 7:00 am I already had an answer for possible dates, either the 2nd week or the 3rd week in June, They want to make sure that it fits in the window of as shrunken as possible from the chemo and radiation, but still gooey. We don't want the tissue cancerous or not to start healing because from the sounds of it it is easier to get melted cheese of the rug than to wait when it is hard.

So now the third part of cancer 2.03 starts. The exams prior to surgery need to be scheduled. But this week-end all I am planning to do is lots of tylenol PM to sleep through the night, (and away from certain snoring sounds) good food, and lots of walks in the wood..

Careful what you wish....

SO the verdict is in.. Went to see the docs (all three of them) today and as usual it was interesting. If I had called central casting it could not have been better. Chemo doctor comes in first and sets up the mood. "You know that this is a very interesting disease, but we have develop incredible tools" As he is giving me the "oh you are in deep doodoo" lecture surgeon doctor walks in. This man is confidence and honesty personified. I so trust him it's not even funny.

He starts by telling me that once again it seems that he will be operating me. HOWEVER there are many risks and complications. Some background 1) cancer 2.0 is still resident and about 3 inches in size 2) also worth noting this surgery would also remove the lymph nodes that are affected similar to what happens during breast cancer surgery. 3) The axillary vein would be the boundary of where work can be done, any work beyond that boundary would create lots and lots of problems. 4) That boundary and any lymph node issues would bring something called Lymphedema and possible although unlikely issues with the mobility of the arm.

So what are the choices?? Choices 1) is no surgery and some additional radiation, this would be the easiest route although the one with the absolute highest risk of cancer returning. Choice 2) Have surgery and risk all the complications mentioned above. The surgery would be about 3-4 days in the hospital with 3-5 weeks of recovery. There are no guarantees, but having surgeon doc (who I adore) visually do reconnaissance makes me feel much better. If he can't get all the cancer out, nobody can, and if that is the case...we gave it our best try.

So tomorrow I will call Dr Surgeon and tell him to go at it asap!

Ain't this fun

Woke up early to prepare for today.. A little laundry, a little daydreaming and some knitting. I will be taking the "T" into the hospital to try to avoid the mess of a baseball game at 1:05pm. I also stop at the watch repair store to get both my watches since they decided to stop ticking at the same time. A B-day shout out to Kathi at work!

Monday's scan

Woke up early.. no stress... got my ass over to the Hilton and went to the wrong office.. Pre-op Admissions..(Freud would have a field day with that error!) walked over to the correct office and as usual, they asked for my name. I-S-M... fuck it, would you like my medical record number? Seems that numbers are harder to screw up than letters.. Filled out the form, which I should just make photocopies of, and waited.

This time around, the scan was going to be of my chest and neck. This meant no motor oil and no barium, that is probably why I wasn't stressing out. All they needed to do was to connect me to the "contrast" by getting to my vein (left arm). Lay on the table and after 6 passes through the donut, I was done.

After all that, it was a matter of pestering the doctor for an appointment to hear where the yellow brick road was going to be laid out..Thursday at 2:30 I hope to find out if I will be pre-op again or just glowing in the dark.

a low key week-end

Yes I realize that there have been no entries. I disconnected for a while, no shrink, no blog...just my mental happy place... Since waiting and patience are not part of my make-up, I've resorted to a lot of my old relaxation standards, clean the closet, organize the drawers, go for a bicycle ride and in general, disconnect as much as possible. Tomorrow we have the scan and I would imagine that on the Thursday clinical rounds, we will all find out what the next step will be.

Any brilliant suggestions on how to kill 96 hours of waiting?

Last day of tanning

As expected the last day of tanning was completely uneventful. Cancer 2.0 has finished the first two phases (chemo and radiation) and now we await for phase 3. Nobody knows what that will be until the scan on Monday and the meeting with the docs I would imagine the following Thursday.

After the radiation, my personal driver (Eileen) took me to work. Believe it or not as i thrilled to be back with the old gang. They held the fort better than expected so transitioning back in was a breeze. I have to admit to probably being one of the few people that actually likes what they do and looks forward to going to work. Tomorrow back to sort of a regular work schedule...YEAH NORMALCY!

Oh crap - no plan for 7-10 days

Well. well. well. Radiation doc called to tell me to go ahead and schedule my cat scan ASAP,(hospital ASAP is Monday the 19th) HOWEVER, this scan will be what surgeon dude uses to determine if he can do surgery. SHIT I thought I would know, but now we have to wait another week. I guess the catch here is that there are a bundle of nerves that go from the shoulder down to the arm that they really prefer not to radiate (perhaps some collateral damage). So surgeon dude will be able to determine if anatomically it will be easier to go in and which way to do it.

Just so that you know, I prefer the ugly concept of surgery because it statistically gives me better numbers that the cancer is truly taken out. Radiation although effective gives me lower statistical assurance that it is.

In other words, the surgeon can see better that a scan can!

Free Will - NOT!

Brief news from yesterday...Chemo is finally over, I positively hate sitting on a hospital bed and waiting for 5 hours for the fluids and the poisons to get in. I have however learned to zone out and do my breathing exercises to ameliorate the pain from the IV. Still hurts like a mother fucker, but it sort of goes away quicker.

Now I only have 1 more radiation to do tomorrow and I am done with that too... So what is next you ask? well let me tell you inquiring minds want to know... After radiation on Tuesday's I met with the Radiation Dr. who this time around was very careful and measured with his words. He will speak to surgeon doc to determine if there is the possibility of surgery, if that is the case, they would Cat scan me in two weeks, HOWEVER if surgeon dude says no go, I would be scanned immediately and then I would go back to radiation for 6 more intense session with perhaps an added dosage of the infamous "cyber knife".

This time around, I have managed to pretty much deal with the you can't plan anything until it is over, and you really have no choices, but it was clear to me (silly me!) that I would learn within days what path I was scheduled for depending on the time frame of the scan.

Language is wonderful

We have a subscription to the Speakeasy Theater Company in the South End in Boston. We have been going there for about 8 years now; they have moved from doing standard fare to performing the latest shows from Broadway and Off Broadway. This Sunday we saw The History Boys, an incredibly well written show with all around outstanding performances. The link to the review from the Boston Globe is attached. If you like education, good theater, and great writing go to see this standout production.

I want to get away

Besides all the you can't do this or you can't do that, everything right now revolves around the scan to be done late may. That makes planning anything further than late may impossible.

My head which is usually spinning anyway is currently very far far away and as most of you know, I like to go over to Boston Harbor to see the cruise ships come in and out. Being Sunday, The Norwegian Dream is in port (waiting to start the Bermuda-Boston runs) for the season. I want everyone to know that if I disappear on a Sunday... perhaps you should look for me on the ship, or somewhere in the caribbean since right know, I don't care where the ship goes as long as I am on it.

Sleepy time

Yesterday after chemo, I got home and simply passed out. Sleep is sooo nice. To make matters better, I took my friend the tylenol PM blue pill and slept from 9 till 9. I feel refreshed and like new. Now I have to do some serious beauty duty. Nails, moisturize... the works. My skin is dry as a prune and it needs some serious work. If after all that work I am up for it, I might go for a short walk.

when you need to retaliate

Today radiation doctor was a little puzzled that my weight has remained exactly the same through both bouts with cancer. I mentioned to him that 160 is as heavy as I have ever been, but that weight has been the same for the last 5-7 years. He let's me know that he finds it fascinating that it all concentrated around my belly... THE BASTARD! I tried to hit him straight to his ego... AND YOU GOT A BAD HAIRCUT LAST WEEK!. ooohhhh he was not happy and I loved it. At least he has a great sense of humor.

A thick file is a sign of life

Today was meet the radiation doctor day. As he is flipping through my file I made the observation that it was very thick. Without missing a beat, and knowing my warped sense of humor he says to me... Better a thick file than a thing one... the thick one means LIFE... you want a thick file... trust me.

Chemo is so nice...

NOT... Even though they all try to be incredibly nice, the first chemo day requires a 4 day IV (yes stinky is back!) and the chemicals that taste like you are chewing on a fork. For some reason my blood pressure was incredibly low and not moving 94/57... we had to talk about my mother for it to go up a bit.

I fell asleep as soon as the chemicals started flowing and 5 hours later I sort of woke up. The great news is that I can physically feel the bump going down.

Upcoming Chemo week...

Radiation fatigue is starting to set in, which means that I fall asleep like a good narcoleptic just about everywhere.To add to that, next week is the last session of chemo. 6 lovely days of controlled poisoning. This time around, like the last time, I'll be sleeping while at the BI Hilton cabanas.

27 days makes a habit

If that is true, I will have one stinky armpit and one with deodorant for a while... or at least until I brake that habit. Luckily, I don't stink too much