Meltdowns are not just for Ice Cream
Yesterday, I had a full nuclear meltdown... It was hot, it was humid and the doctor said that the drain had to remain in place for 1 to 2 more weeks. He wanted me to be moving my arm clear above my head and to walking around. All this was said with a lovely "I understand it hurts but you will have to deal with it" face. After that he proceeded to "milk" the drain tube (OUCH OUCH OUCH)and send me on my merry way.
Contrary to cancer 1.0 in which my mind was in a haze all the time and breathing was more important that any other problem, this time, I am perfectly lucid but unable to do things because the arm just doesn't do what my brain tells it to. This is a royal pain in the cojones and the arm. Two more weeks of this will be an endurance test, as is my mind is turning on me and what usually does not bother me, becomes a gigantic issue. When is this crap going to be done? according to the most recent estimates end of July or so, but I won't have any illusion that it will be that way.
At this point everyone expects me to pull through in my usual stoic manner, but for 24 hours, I will bitch and moan and simply say... this is a fucking pain in the ass and it would be nice if it was over and resolved... since it is not going to happen that quickly, my answer to everything from now on is... fine, I am doing just fine... I will be concentrating very hard to make it sound like I mean it.
posted by mima @ 8:55 AM
8 Comments:
I say you have earned the right to be bitchy! Quite frankly, I find you very funny when you are pissed off!
Mima........
You my friend are allowed to be pissed off...!!! Just make sure you are in true Mima style when you are pissed off!! Don't forget to rant and rave too!! IT helps to feel better!
Grace & Elegance
I realize I can bitch, but I know that yesterday I went too far
Maybe..... or maybe not far enough!!!!
I was there and given the day you had there was no amount of bitching that could be considered too much. Stoicism has its limits. ER
I know it's hard for you to believe, but you really are doing remarkably fine. Your expectations of yourself are a little... shall we say "unrealistic?" This surgery was a big deal, my darling, and your human flesh & muscles & nerves need time to heal. As you're ranting and raving and bitching and draining, wave those arms around above your head as best you can and make sure that middle finger extends.
Mima
With all that you have been through I'm surprised it took this long for the melt down.
Just was a down day so the rest will move uphill.
Hugs
David
I like meltdowns. They release so much hidden, inward anger. It takes the frustrations away for that short time being & focuses on something else. Even if you really don't know what that something else is when you're done! Besides it lets people see the real you. Scary is good! It's how I've made it this far in life.... You're allowed to go too far. After all it's your fucking life!
Peace, strength & courage....
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